I’d say cry me a river
but it’s not like you would listen
much too busy party plannin’
for the day you chuck me over
you ruined all my favorite songs
now stardust tastes like sawdust
when harry croons it makes me want to vomit
I wish I wished the best for you
unfortunately that’s not true
so here is what I wish for you instead:

I hope when you are walking
out apon the grassy green
that a rake snaps up to crack you in the snout
(you pig)

I hope you step in dog poo
but don’t notice that it’s on your shoe
until you’ve gone and tracked it through
your brand new house
(you shit)

I hope when you are screwing
all those tramps that you’ve been doing
without condoms…
that you get a mighty itch
(you dick)

isn’t this perfect??

that’s an actual xmas record put out by verve…good job, verve, I say.

Santa baby, bring me a nice big mistletoe kiss, okay?

***************************

tonight the joint therapist talked about how it was going to be difficult for both of us to see the other one dating.  um, yeah, I’ve gotten to see that already several times in the last few years.   she mentioned, “in about a year or so, if you’re ready then.”  I don’t think she’s got any idea how long it’s been since somebody loved up on me.  I was thinking, yeah, you’re probably right, but if I have to think about that reality right now, how long it’s actually going to be, this time of year, well, shit… shove that turkey over, I’m puttin’ my head in the oven. 

****************************

yep, a nice soft breathy kiss on my neck…mmmmmmmmm.  I’ll take me one’a those.

****************************

http://www.nakedwhiz.com/stbxmas.htm

more life altering tales of

    COFFEE…

my favorite blend is starbucks verona, I use decaff.  yes, yes, I know all about the evil empire, and yes, it’s horrible.  I think it’s aweful how proprietary and litigeous they are…but until I find a free trade touchy-feely blend of decaff that is sweet and flavorful, well, that’s where I am.

this week, the starbucks guy talked me out of my regular, and into their christmas blend.  the bag is metallic blue with white snowflakes.  well, sir, I don’t like this coffee.  I should’ve known better.  it’s knacky, bitter and makes me snick my tongue and teeth.  oh well, got a pound to use up. 

the kids look at the package and ask me what it is (two mornings in a row now…they get their memory cells from me)…  I say xmas blend.  they say what does it taste like?   I say Santa’s socks!  they all laugh.   then THIS morning, babyjane says so why do you drink it mama?  and I say it’s an acquired taste.

boy oh BOY have I got some ingrained habits.  maybe it’s time to stop putting up with things I don’t like, instead of trying to like things I don’t.

“Motherfucker, I ain’t seen pussy in so long
I’d throw stones at it.”
…Paul Sedaris

David Sedaris:
Common_Relationship_Misconceptions

It’s good for my partner to sleep in the van, yard, or toolshed at least once a week. “Let’s take this one step at a time,” says assistant district attorney Dana Westwood. “While it’s true that a lot of people sleep in vans, it’s a stretch to say that they all enjoy it. The same goes for yards and toolsheds. Some people curl up on the front lawn because they like the change, but others do it because they’re wounded and don’t want to get blood on the furniture. The next time your partner heads outside in the middle of the night, it might be wise to pin him or her to the ground and ask a few simple questions. The answers might surprise you.”

one more for your edification:
AMY SEDARIS

a woman after my own heart!

I release all disappointments
so that I may move away from what is past.
in my thinking, I refrain from projected fear
~ the sun and the moon will rise without my help.
I use my energy in the now;
for truth is only in the moment,
and reality writhes and changes
when forced into the mold of time.

say it like you mean to make it
dance it like electric faith
bring the blossoms forth in verbage
in your eyes and on the page

if you wish to prove your valour
sing it with your hair and hands
move along the water’s surface
your mind must plow these foreign lands

I have no use for never always
the kisses do not last the night
find your joy in fishes’ dishes
jump from pan to firelight

please visit One_In_Eight today.

my mother isn’t returning my calls.
I’m worried that she’s lying in a ditch somewhere.
there’s something painfully funny about that.
I just laaaaaugh and laugh and laugh.
yup.
oh yeah.
crap.

I’ve been consciously ignoring the fact that my mother sometimes reads this.  she is shocked and disgusted.  so do I stop writing?  no, I pretend she doesn’t read it.  and frankly, she shouldn’t be, and I told her so.  sure, it’s public, so’s a lot of free porn, and she doesn’t look at that.

the man said he wasn’t reading it…and he was…and copying it down.  and my emails.

so how does that make me feel?  unsafe.  it also makes me subconsciously look over my shoulder everytime I write anything.  you know what that does?  blocks my writing.  why when he does it, and not my mother?  because I could lose my kids.

it feels like an assault.  and I’m angry.  but I want to stop being angry, because it’s not helping in any way.

I’m releasing the control, and accepting what’s to come.  that helps, but I really hate the unknown, and I wonder when I’ll get my feeling of security back. 

I don’t want to be a poor single mother again.  instead of having anger bursts, now I’m having fear bursts.  this morning while I was folding laundry I was thinking, “when I’m poor, how will I afford new undies??”  …mine already have holes now, and I’m not destitute.  yesterday it was, “will I ever have another pair of pajamas?”  this spring I bought the first set of pj’s I have had since I was in college.  I mean, pj’s are a luxury.  otherwise, you sleep in old tee shirts.  will I get to go out for italian food?

emma just brought me a slip saying we owe 12 dollars to the school lunch account.  emma gave the lunch money check to her teacher, instead of taking it to the lunch lady and the teacher thought it was money for the pta drive.  fuck.  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want to scream at david.

but I must stop caring.  like I don’t care that my mother reads this.  like I don’t care if jackie reads this. like I don’t care that she calls every tuesday night at 2am, just to get her jollies waking me up.  like the jedi wave.  okay.

now on to “marriage counseling” in a half hour…if it can really be called that.  it’s actually divorce counseling so we can speak to each other without the kids around.  a referee with a masters degree.  jedi wave.

I know my problems are not that big a deal in the scheme of things.  could be worse.  I just have to figure it out.  but it does hurt really bad, just the same.

coyote is always waiting;
coyote is always hungry.

I had a wonderful phone call, completely unexpected, from someone who made me feel MUCH BETTER.  much safer, indeed.

it feels like a bigger sky, ever since…I think I can even breathe deeper.

mmmmmmmmm…