it not rain (mostly) every day…

so I was talking to my mother (yes, FINALLY… after ten days of us Not Speaking to Each Other) and was pleased to hear a few things of use to me personally.  she reiterated her personal credo of “god and your mother will always love you.”  and while I haven’t been quite sure of god, I did have to agree this time.  after staying up all night with a horrible uti, I made all kinds of promises (pleasepleaseplease let the THIRD fucking store I go to have pyridium…  pleasepleaseplease don’t let me wet myself on the drive back home… HELLO, one full litre of water…) I may have to believe just a little bit.

I haven’t had a uti in four and one half years, and I SWEAR to you it never felt this horrible before.  never.  only birth has been more painful, and in that case you get a prize at the end (painkillers, heh).  my mother’s take is that I have a full-blown kidney infection, and that sounds about right.  I’ve actually been feeling truly rotten for over a week now… tired, down, achey, and a general ick feeling in my abdomen, accompanying a general nausea.  I thought maybe flu, but it never manifested.  so I guess it’s off to the walk-in for me tomorrow.  woooooo.  eww.

last night I was so in pain that I was making those animal noises I’ve heard myself make during transition (birth stage).  thank maude for pyridium and orange pee. 

I’m hoping for sleep tonight.  some.  any.  I tried to take a nap tonight but was interupted.  I feel like the walking dead.  I did, however, get my errands run today, and that was good.

I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue…

*DISCLAIMER*  I didn’t “do” anything to “deserve” this uti, if you kwim (know what I mean).

“it never rain everyday.”
I have no idea who said that, but I suppose it is true.

however, there’s nothing like waking to a kid trying to get in bed with you, a kid who then sprays your room with vomit.  thank maude for my “you must pee before you get in bed with me” policy as she was on her way to the loo when she woofed.

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!
that was a for real life yell, complete with hair-grabbing.

I had just gotten all the towels clean.  I was going to take her to “school” today so I could apply for jobs.  goddam it, it’s not like that is something I WANT to do.  I fucking FEAR it, but I had resigned myself to actually doing it.  now here I am, right back in apathy-ville.  fuck me, it doesn’t take much to put me there these days.  maybe I should just start drinking full time.  oh, and there’s the cranky “I’m not smoking anymore” niccie thing.  wooo.  I am whatever the opposite of an aerobics instructor would be.

going on 24 hours awake…
it’s 4am and nobody’s on msn.
bleah.  insomnia rots.

so, according to Morgane (who I secretly think of as “Morgania” because all ‘ane’ names get a ‘ya’ added to them…) I should go with my Porn Name.  ah, but which one to choose…

Moonpie Montview
Squeeky Jefferson
Ria Fancher
Zuki Willis
Cleo Pioneer
Tabby Dexter
Snowblind Methow
Emma Washington (yes, I named my daughter after a cat… and a very ill tempered one at that)
Sam Clements

yeah, well…  hmmm.

as it is, I believe I will actually be going with my mother’s maiden name and my dad’s mother’s maiden name.  score one for the home team.

I just drove back from dropping off the kids.  I stopped at a place called “Haney Meadows” which always reminds me of my darling friend, Hane.   “Hane you ignorant slut!”  it occurred to me that it might be a timely opportunity to releave myself, but as I tramped into the brush I was surprised to find stinging nettles all around.  now, last summer I had the misfortune to hike through about a mile of nettles in my shorts.   never having seen nettles before I didn’t really know what exactly I was doing.  I surely do now.  so I sucked it up and drove the rest of the way home.

so herein lies the lesson:  what may seem at the time like a horrible mistake, legs full of nettle stings, may actually be a blessing… it may save you from such a malady on your hooha and hiney.  here ends the gospel.  let us pray…

I’ll be changing my name with my divorce.
the pod wanted me to, so at first I resisted the idea.
now I can see it’s advantages, slave name and all that…

so…
given my current situation I’ve decided to go
a completely different way.

    Max Power

I’ve lost some subs this week.  if you were considering unsubbing, now would be a good time.  I don’t normally notice, but I was approaching a round number and it dropped.  I won’t bother looking to see who dropped, okay?  allie allie all come free.

*********************************

DEMOLITION MAN– POLICE

Tied to the tracks and the train’s just coming
Strapped to the wing with the engine running
You say that this wasn’t in your plan
And don’t mess around with the demolition man

I’m a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom
I kill conversation as I walk into the room
I’m a three line whip
I’m the sort of thing they ban
I’m a walking disaster
I’m a demolition man

it all started when I decided to open my eyes…

existential angst
or the beginnings of the 24 hour flu
hard to differentiate
time
and a bath
will tell

There is no fire like greed,
No crime like hatred,
No sorrow like separation,
No sickness like hunger of heart,
And no joy like the joy of freedom.

Health, contentment and trust
Are your greatest possessions,
And freedom your greatest joy.

Look within.
Be still.
Free from fear and attachment,
Know the sweet joy of living in the way.

-from the Dhammapada

babyjane has barfage…
off to mop up.

Two Sides To Every Story

From the album “Honeysuckle Rose”

There must be two sides to every story
And who’s to say who’s right and who is wrong
And I’m tryin’ to understand why you’re not with me
How can we both be right when you’re still gone
It’s hard to believe that it’s all over 
A love like ours is not supposed to die
And there must be two sides to every story
I just wish I had a chance to tell you mine
I miss you more than I could ever tell you
And we’ve hurt each other more than we could know
And there must be two sides to every story
Come on home and tell me yours I love you so

[ guitar ]

I miss you more than I could ever tell you
And we’ve hurt each other more than we could know
And there must be two sides to every story
Come on home and tell me yours I love you so

happy birthday, babyjane.

i love you.

An hour before daybreak Dinarzade awoke, and exclaimed, as she had promised, “My dear sister, if you are not asleep, tell me I pray you, before the sun rises, one of your charming stories. It is the last time that I shall have the pleasure of hearing you.” Scheherazade did not answer her sister, but turned to the Sultan. “Will your highness permit me to do as my sister asks?” said she. “Willingly,” he answered. So Scheherazade began…