Month: September 2004

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    invited my mom to go to the gym this morning
    in a really good mindset
    I was on the treadmill for a half hour before she got there
    and for the next fifteen minutes
    she managed to tell me
    how she’s carrying me
    how I’ve always let her down
    when does it get to be about her pain
    that if she didn’t ride me I’d amount to nothing
    and that she’d be fine
    with leaving me to my own stated goals
    if I was an adequate mother
    but since I’m not
    I don’t deserve…
    whatever
    I made it to 45 minutes
    it’s so hard not to kill your heart
    in response to overwhelming pain

  • I think I’m going to go lie down and watch a movie.
    why?  because I can…  BWAH!

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    “you’re the best mom in the WORLD!”
    “well, I’m not so sure about that, but I appreciate the sentiment.”


    maybe I should just say “thank you” and learn to accept what’s offerred.  sigh.

  • chop wood and carry water…


    teenage hair angst, not MINE, thank maude
    I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster
    like I might barf
    maybe I’ll take a long hot bath
    and rearrange my prejudices


     


    Shawn Colvin
    –One Small Year

    One small year
    It’s been an eternity
    It’s taken all of me to get here
    The hands of time
    They pushed my down the street
    They swept me of my feet to this place
    And I don’t know my face
    Now all through the night I can pretend
    The morning will make me whole again
    Then everyday I can begin
    To wait for the night again
    One more tune
    That will never be done
    It’s just another one for the moon
    For the days in the ruin
    Just today I woke up feeling fine
    Like the world was mine
    I was clean
    And it was a dream
    Where out of the blue came you and me
    The Wizard of Oz had set us free
    You let me float you to your feet
    Just like you believed in me
    It’s like you believed
    One small year
    I wonder where I’ve gone
    It shouldn’t seem so long or so weird
    And I was always here
    It’s just one small year



  •  


    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE, always…

    Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above
    
Don’t fence me in
    
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
    
Don’t fence me in
    
Let me be by myself in the evenin’ breeze
    
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
    
Send me off forever but I ask you please
    
Don’t fence me in
    

    Just turn me loose
    
Let me straddle my old saddle
    
Underneath the western skies
    
On my Cayuse
    
Let me wander over yonder
    
Till I see the mountains rise
    

    I want to ride to the ridge
    
Where the west commences
    
And gaze at the moon
    
Till I lose my senses
    
And I can’t look at hobbles
    
And I can’t stand fences
    
Don’t fence me in
    

    Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies
    
Don’t fence me in
    
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
    
Don’t fence me in
    
Let me be by myself in the evenin’ breeze
    
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
    
Send me off forever but I ask you please
    
Don’t fence me in
    

    Just turn me loose
    
Let me straddle my old saddle
    
Underneath the western skies
    
On my Cayuse
    
Let me wander over yonder
    
Till I see the mountains rise
    
Ba boo ba ba boo
    

    I want to ride to the ridge
    
Where the west commences
    
And gaze at the moon
    
Till I lose my senses
    
And I can’t look at hobbles
    
And I can’t stand fences
    
Don’t fence me in
    

    No
    
Poppa, don’t you fence me in