babyjane’s giggling madly as I chase her singing:  TAKE BACK YOUR MINK… TAKE BACK YOUR PEARLS… WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT I WAS ONE OF THEM GIRLS??

all mo betta.

okay, I take it back.  today I’m not happy.  today rots.  but yesterday I was happy and tomorrow I’ll probably be happy.  probably I’ll be happy monday when sears can get off their ass and fix my new washing machine which will be holding all my undies, bras, towels, and jammies hostage in BLEACH till then.

fuck.  me.

I am up from what it appears will not be my deathbed to participate in the Festivus annual Airing of the Grievances:

1.  the fever returned last night after I tried to pick up the house that my band of hooligans trashed during my bedridden-ness.  this is one of those days when you understand why parents are REQUIRED BY LAW to care for their children.

2.  babyjane?  why must you pull down all the curtains in the front room window?  what the fuck is wrong with you?  are you trying to climb them?  I’ve never even seen it happen, and it boggles the mind.

3.  dylan… hang. up.  your.  fucking.  bathmat.  AAAAUUUUGH!!
and point b:  I AM NOT YOUR SERVANT!!

4.  emma.  stop crying.  oh god please stop fucking crying! 

5.  cracked crispy fuckmonster:  you cannot change your phone number and NOT tell me, you complete motherfucking jackass.  please stop doing things that remind me how much I fucking hate you.  it makes my skin crawl to think I procreated with you.  (if anyone has any choice words, feel free to leave them in my comments as he STILL READS MY BLOG, the jackass)

6. hmm, I feel a lot better.  I guess the majority of my problems stem from my messy house and the fact that I married a jackass… both of which can and have been handily remedied.  so long motherfucker!  you’ll never be happy since you blame all your problems on other people!  I’m already happy!  wonderously happy!  BAHAHAHA!  you suck!

yeah, I’m ten, so fucking what.

I have “an influenza-like virus.”  or a kidney infection, which I find unlikely.  I felt so shitty at the beginning, that what has followed has actually felt almost good.  the delerium was pretty cool.  I spoke in tongues.  you think I jest.

the children have trashed the house, as I haven’t been out of bed significantly for 24 hours.  whoever gave my kids play-doh will die a slow and painful death.  I have spoken.

I’m supposed to be having a party on friday.  eep.

santa here… all done santa-ing.  waiting for the cat to turn up and get her butt back inside so I can close up shop for the night.  I didn’t make it to midnight mass.  the kids were too tired.  I was a naughty girl and opened up two prezzies from the real santa.  mmmm, deco ink pen…

I got my lovies back tonight after christmas eve dinner at mum’s.  ahhh, kiddie hugs.  ahh, best christmas ever, no joke.  we always have a fancy four course dinner with tenderloins.  this year there was also reserve moet, cranberry wine, and crantinis.  mmmm.  I got hiccup burps repeatedly and sounded like a diseased sea lion.  my mother even yelled at me to stop it already.  my xmas cracker had a whistle.  my paper crown was green.  after dinner we grabbed our noisemakers and danced to the blind boys of alabama.  good times.  good times.

I won’t list my gifts; they would turn you green with envy.  homer drool worthy for sure.  mom made apple pie, pumpkin pie, cranberry-raspberry pie, and snowballs for desert. 

breakfast with Paula…

me, crictor, and mom on crictie’s birthday last night… (out)
(and dancing sibs!)

more dancing…

I’m thinking of a couple of someones I’m missing.  it’s bittersweet, it is.

brief update from Headupmyownassville:

the Paulanator and I are off to dine and shop (not my idea, I wanted to dine and bowl) (well, if you consider a Dusty Burger dining…).  her theory is that normal people won’t be shopping that late.  after a few years at the mall I think I can safely agree.  only freaks like us.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.  maybe we’ll make some friends.

but FIRST, mexican food.  tamales and tequila.  good way to break my nearly twentyfourhour eggnogg fast.  nothing but.  Paula says the very thought makes her stomach hurt.  I said, “you think my stomach doesn’t hurt??  it hurts!  I tell you, I need help!”

so anyway, I plan to make a list at dinner, after one or two drinks.

Dyl:  you remind me of the crazy irish guy in braveheart.

me:  what??

****** a few minutes later…

Dyl:  I’m the gingerbread girl!!

me:  you’re the gingerbread girl??

Dyl:  Wait, I’m the ginger-confused boy!

omigod, I may die laughing.

I had to buy a new phone today due to an unfortunate turkey sandwich accident.  No, for real, I dropped my phone in a turkey sandwich.  How is it that one friend dropped her phone in a toilet while another washed her hub’s in the laundry and both still work YET I drop mine face down in mayo and it doesn’t work?  I licked it thoroughly immediately thereafter but to avail.  I hope that revelation doesn’t disturb the friend I was talking to since she might read about it.

Also, my laptop carked it twice this morning due to overheating.  I suspect it’s faulty but I just taped a cookie cooling rack to the bottom.  et voila.

All hail Mercury!  I am just hoping my brakes don’t go out.  I live at the top of a hill.

**update**  don’t carry your phone in your pants pocket or if you do, while taking out the trash, don’t be screeching the soprano part of the hallelujah chorus when you’re an alto.  sometimes you accidentally dial someone… and they can hear.  thank maude it was my sister.  whew.

Peace In Our Time… there is no hope my friends.  People in my country cannot even navagate a four way stop.

Margaritas.  to make Lizzie MacGuire fun and entertaining.  wish me luck.

So, the interview that was supposed to happen yesterday?   Yep, it was really supposed to happen today.  I didn’t really care since it was their mistake, not mine.  Plus, it allowed me to inadvertantly find out how many other candidates there were (three).  She told me (there were two women interiewers) that the interview would be short as they were only seeing those they had already researched and felt were fit hires.  WOOO!  I have to say, this is the first social services job where my background as a bartender might come in handy:  so, how would you cope with a situation where you felt you were in danger of being attacked?  heh.

Afterward I thought it was too soon to pick up babyjane (she’d be put out if she didn’t get to play enough) so I went up to the high school to tell Michelle happy birthday and see if my mom needed anything.  Mom was leaving for a birthday trip and was heading out the door when she was grabbed by her friend.  Apparently she didn’t realize she had “test duty.”  It sounded like fun to me so I took it off her hands. 

On a regular basis kids are allowed to make up tests after school.  I was given a milk crate full of files with teachers’ names on them and left to fend for myself.  They could have been cheating themselves blind for all I knew as I was having a really hard time figuring out who needed what.    I was surprised at how little time it actually took.  I found myself calling them “sweetie” and “honey.”  They most likely thought me insane.

Oh yeah, and my mom took one look at how I was dressed and said, “uh, is that what you wore?  because, NO YOU REALLY LOOK NICE, but, uh, it’s very casual.”  So if in the past you’ve noticed I think too much about my clothes, well drop a quarter in my therapy jar, my friend! 

and one of the women who interviewed me was wearing jeans and no makeup, so there ha.  I love social services.

And later, on a Very Special Satori…
I will regale you with frightening tales of my very first 20th high school reunion organization meeting!  Why am I going?  Good blogging material.  There, I said it.  Oh, and I called the gal to find out where it was and it’s at the house of a guy I supposedly dated after high school.  I don’t exactly remember everything from my early twenties (whistles) and only know I dated this guy because his mother said so and I consider her a reliable source.  His wife was nice to me at our ten year, so I consider that a very good sign.