the kids have been sick all week.  just as one got better and went to school, the other has fallen back.  urgh.  they’re not horrible, just icky.  this means no trip to the gym today.  urgh.  also, the house is trashed and what I’m doing here right now is avoiding cleaning and folding laundry.  urgh.

lizzie the van is in the shop and we got a ride home.  her engine light was on and she’s idling weirdly.  I’m askeered.  hold me.

I feel like I should post some “issue” based discussion.  nosepicking, pro or con…  having allergies I’m just a wealth of crusty nosegoblins so I come up on the pro side.

kleenex or roll and flick?  I’d better go vacuum…

edited to add:  I can’t stop thinking about sex… what’s wrong with me??

this is NOT why we are going to vegas.  just to be clear.

you so have to hear this… the funniest thing…

when The Man (or whatever he may be called in the near future) told his mom we were going to vegas, she thought (GET THIS) that we were getting married!  oh my.  in order to understand how bizarre that is you have to know that The Man may be the only person on earth more disillusioned about marriage than I am.  plus I’m already engaged to skipper anyway.

the first thing I thought upon hearing that was, “oh thank god, if she’s thinking that then she’s not freaking out about me buying her grandson the happy_tree_friends dvd’s.”  whew.  it was hours before I stopped bursting out with laughter.

still, now I realize that I missed a huge opportunity to mess with him.  why oh why didn’t I pause a moment and say in a pained voice:  but I, I thought we were…   ::sob::

*snort*  still, that’s not very nice.  you have to be careful.  we’re getting to the age where one of us might have an undiscovered heart condition, or, maude forbid, drop dead of an aneurism.  I like him way too much to risk that, so I guess that’s just as well.

****** so skipper… what do you think:  yes? …matching watches! 

oh Yamie.. you’ll be so pretty in pink!

off to shave my head…

Skipper is the BEST!!

I just got a massage and now I have tableface.  you know, like pillowface, with those little creases.  I thought of lotusgirl and the client scaring her when I broke my silence to tell eve that spot on my shin was perfection.  she didn’t jump or anything though.  this was the first time I’ve ever gotten a massage when I haven’t gotten it for pain.  I feel fine.   actually, I feel even better now.  after the flu a few weeks ago and all the wracking body aches, I thought it would be wise to go get a tune up.  oh, and I’m getting the car serviced this afternoon too.

I remember when I was selling my little red truck, the automotive love of my life, and a friend said to another friend right in front of me:  I’d never buy a car from lara.  who knows if she’d ever have serviced it and what all might be wrong with it.  I was APPALLED.  I service my car, maybe not right on schedule but SHIT.  that was years and years ago and I still think of it every time I get six months out.   dammit, I do too take care of my car.  what kind of impression do I give?   ugh.

I need a nap.  I’m wearing ponytails.  you can’t nap in ponytails.

Milla Jovovich is my new hollywood girlfriend.  I don’t want to kiss her or anything.  I just love her.  I want to do her evil bidding.

I need a gutter.  my front walk is an ice floe.  a few more years and my children will just set me out on the front porch one day.  last week my mother looked at my dripping icicles and said, “you really need a gutter!”  last summer when she was helping me get my house put together, I made some calls and found out that it was significantly more expensive to get gutters installed after fall.  I told mom and she said, “oh (pish) you don’t need gutters!”

sigh.  last summer she was loaning me money to do the stuff.  now I get to decide to shell out more or wait and hope no one falls and sues me.  sigh.

maude, I hope she’s not reading this one…

oh, and because she can’t watch my kids on the weekend I’m going away, I shouldn’t be going that weekend.  in fact, a good mother just wouldn’t be going away that weekend.  hand me that ice pick over there; I need to chip off my sidewalk then ram it through my eye into my brain.

I hope she’s not reading today.

and I forgot to make my car payment.  just forgot.  sigh.  I forgot to take the trash out.  forgot it was tuesday.  thing is, I’m in a decent mood and all, just nothing.  I just want to watch buffy.  pffffffff.

SNOOSH TO THE MOTHERFUCKING DOUCHE!

I had to call the pod (prince of darkness… because motherfucking prince of darkness makes a lousy acronym) and try to get him to compromise.  will someone tell this fucking moron to quit putting his big ugly head in the tiger’s mouth?  no fucking shit.  I’ve spent the last several years practicing right speach/thought/action and I am loath to put a stain on my clean record.  why is he so fucking stupid?

all I was looking for was a change in pickup/dropoff times.  he kept saying what’s in it for me?  I said if you show your ability to compromise there’s plenty in it for you when I show you some flexibility back.  nope.  he tried to tell me I was blackmailing him.  well, no, actually, at worst I’m bribing you, you jackass.  I didn’t want to do that so I didn’t tell him the cool things I was willing to do… like drive both ways sometimes, and an extree weekend here and there, pay some of the bills he’s supposed to pay.  stupid bastard.  no soup for you.

and because I’m trying to be real, which means being vulnerable, he’s able to push all my buttons.  humiliate me.  hurt my feelings.  I can only hope I’m expiating some negative karma in the meanwhile.  he has an aweful lot of faith in the trained tiger not eating his head, I tell you what.  or maybe he doesn’t know it’s a tiger.  he has NO idea how badly I could fuck up his little psyche.  just because I never used the buttons doesn’t mean I don’t know where they are. 

know why you’re supposed to love your enemy?  karma, cause and effect.  morality is just training wheels for karma.

but you know what, I don’t think he cares about seeing the kids more, no matter what he says about it.  if he did, he’d take the kids all the times he could have them (he could’ve had them new years) and not just bring them back when “they’re bored.”  I think he likes to think he’s interested in parenting, but he’s not.  maybe that’s why he always tried to make out like I was such an aweful parent… projection.

why did I marry such a dick?  dammit, I do know why.  I guess I’m just lamenting it.  I guess we’re just doing the best we can do at the time… which is also true for him.  I wish he’d try harder not to be such an ass, though.  for crapsake, get some fucking therapy.

babyJane wanted pbj sammie for lunch.  I had salami, olives, and dipped my finger in the jam a bunch.  oh and chocolate pudding.  it’s amazing I’m still alive after all these years of eating like this.

I’m having a “I recovered from being a sickie a little too fast” kind of day and am still in my sweats.  my mother called me THREE times this morning before I got out of bed.  do you let people know they called you in bed?  I don’t.  I’ll pick up the phone naked and dripping wet out of the shower and tell people but not that I’m in bed.  that would just make me look lazy.  if you already know I’m lazy I’ll probably cop to it. 

I’m watching baby Mya tomorrow.  she’s had a fever and is home from daycare.  I was supposed to go to the dentist with Emma, but I’ll just take Dylan instead and swap appointments.  it’s just as well since I got a message on my phone letting me know that Dr. M will be out of the office tomorrow so NO nitrous for me… and let them know if that wasn’t okay.  um, hello, I’m not fucking opening my mouth without the nitrous and that’s HALF the reason I go there because the hygenist I use feels the same way.  yes, I’ve tried it without; honestly, you dont’ want to see me like that.  it’s post traumatic stress.  it’s a mental health issue, not a fucking choice.  urgh.

I gave blood for the first time yesterday.  I was a little nervous and I couldn’t really figure out why.  I don’t mind needles and I’m not afraid of people.  I had a pretty decent time people watching and chatting.  I guess there’s a niggling fear that they’ll tell me my blood is tainted, but I’ve been tested for stuff recently and so that shouldn’t have been an issue.  the one time I was going to, years and years ago, I got turned away because my blood pressure was too low.  I would sometimes lose consciousness when they’d take a vial for testing at the horspital, but I don’t really know why.  the AD I’m taking raises my blood pressure to almost normal, 112 over 75, I think yesterday.  woooo! (sometimes I black out if I stand up too quickly).  I gave blood!  I got up and walked away!

I think what it was was the bravado thing.  I hate being weak.  I don’t want to be weak.  that time in the ambulance when I was bleeding out I couldn’t remember my name or where I lived but I tried to tell them to take a different route because it was faster ::rolls eyes::.