Sonnet
This man I know and do not know
Is both a man and yet a boy;
The parts I see he does not show:
Division does his heart employ.
He does not need my fond embrace
Nor long to hear my every word,
And still I read upon his face
A gravity I’ve not yet heard.
Within him live both joy and pain
As even he could not deny;
Is there faith to love again
When rage has blotted out the sky?
The storm is done, but will he see
A new day dawns– that day is me.
I went to my book group tonight, even though I hadn’t finished the book. it’s a socialization thing. you know, like if you have a dog and you have to socialize it so it won’t eat people when it eventually sees them? it’s a lot like that. or exactly.
apparently it was “reply hazy.”
I’m getting my roots colored tomorrow. I always do this, wait too long and it looks like shit. They always want to make an appointment right after they do it, you know, so it won’t look like shit next time by the time I come in. I always say, oh no… I don’t know what I’m doing a month from now; I’d better wait. Oh hell, I guess we all know what I’m doing a month from now: more of this ::makesjackingoffmotion:: I guess I’ll make an appointment.
BabyJane made sticky notes and stuck them on everyone’s back. she’d say I’m giving you a backrub. the one she put on Emma’s back said “NO JOB.” I’m glad she didn’t put it on MY back.
fret not, dear ones, I have avoided putting my head in the oven and continue to pass all the open windows. a good talk was had and I feel greatly relieved.
Paula and I saw Paul Westerburg at the Showbox Friday night. I woke up at 5am with self loathing, that “oh. my. god. I am SUCH an ASS” feeling. kwim? I won’t be drinking for a while.
we had dinner beforehand at the pink door. I was flirting with the bartender ::rollseyes*Iwassuchanass*:: but had to stop because he actually seemed to be taking me up on it. I’m such an ass.
that’s the view from the hotel veranda.
well, gotta go… no need to expand on what an ass I was. I didn’t throw up, fall down, or wet myself so I guess I’m ahead of the game. my biggest transgression, apparently, was a need to talk non-stop about Buffy and Cordelia, until Paula was forced to shout, “SHUT UP, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!” I can live with that.
as I said, gotta go… BabyJane’s all excited because I just said to her those three little words every girl longs to hear: let’s go out.
I’m having a hard day.
with the AD’s I haven’t really cried much; for some reason it holds it back. well I guess it’s good to know I still can. cos I am. well, I have a couple of times this week. it’s been a hard week (which is not to say I haven’t had some perfectly lovely times too…).
I’ve been having trouble sleeping so when the kids are off to school and babyjane is watching a movie I tend to crawl back in bed for another hour lately.
well, babyjane got out four bottles of my nail polish, pink, pinker, coral, and red. she painted her hands, her whole hands, her coat, her sister’s cast off underwear… she also got it on the carpet, the sofa, the kitchen sink, and the chair she used to climb up there.
she’s in her room.
I got a notice a few days ago that my health insurance cobra has been cancelled. I didn’t call till today. I have phone issues and I needed to gear up. so I just called… how much worse is my day going to get, right? the guy on the phone was very nice, but he can’t really help me. they didn’t log my first payment and I’m not sure that my bank can help me much with that. the proof they have doesn’t include the name of the payee. if the cobraserve doesn’t accept my proof, I’m fucked.
I started to do that quiet cry toward the end of the call. I could tell he felt really bad for me, but sometimes there’s just nothing anyone can do.
***edited to add: in december I took my phone bill in to the office and asked them if they could take the caller id off my line please… I don’t even have a phone that displays it and I didn’t know I had it. in fact, I asked specifically for NOTHING on my line at all. it’s no big deal, but seven bucks is seven bucks. so they said, oh yes, we’ll take care of it. last month the bill was just the same. THIS month the bill has the caller id off, and I’m being billed 50 doll hairs for doing so. I am so not allowed to own guns. end edit***
these kinds of things, misunderstandings, have always happened to me. I’m used to it. but it still sucks.
I miss my grandad.
BUH-BUMP… (law and order sound)
yet again my sisty will be in the opening scene, but this time it’s the regular law and order (not the oh-so-creepy svu)!
it’s on at 10pm sharp tonight. if you start with the opening credits you’ve already missed her! you know that bit where the murder is discovered? she’s in that. four lines! yeah, baby…
I’ve got to remember to tape.
from my darling lotusgirl :
1. total amount of music files on your computer–
well, I have 12 artists just under A in windows media player and then there’s itunes… no idea, but it’s a staggering amount. far more music on my ‘puter than anything else.
2. the last cd you bought was…
Revival by The Reverand Horton Heat
and Alright, This Time Just the Girls, various artists
3. what was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
Angel by the Corrs
4. write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow– Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
was there ever a prettier song?
At Last– Etta James
the perfect love song (not including Forever by Ben darling, of course)
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough– Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
it’s a dance around the house with the kids song… choreography and all
Yours– Blues Traveller
melts my heart, my black little heart
Under a Blanket of Blue– Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald
I’d love to sing this with someone I love…
(honorable mention: Come Go With Me– Beach Boys)
cos who can hear this and not smile? I had to pick only one bb song to download, as frankly I listened waaaaaay too much to them in junior high and made myself sick of them, but this is the one that sticks
5. what three people are you going to pass this baton to and why?
Anxiety Zone– cos her musical taste always keeps me in awe
GreasyTNT– I can’t wait to hear her answers
Always Say Never– he always blows me away
BONUS: music as inspirational poetry–
not bitter, beat a vicious cycle. typecast as the model couple… I’m sorry but I never got suicidal; it wasn’t the end of the world.
~the Waitresses
the wounds she gave me were the wounds that would heal me.
~Sting
I got the skills to pay the bills.
~the Beastie Boys
Homecoming plus 20 years…
apparently he got taller and my boobs got bigger.
Valentine’s day was fantastic. I was really overwhelmed, in a good way. first of all, he made me dinner, which was not only wonderful in the fact of its existance but gastronomically exceptional as well! first off was wine, crostini, and hummus, then salad with a spicy and flavorful balsamic vinagrette. these were followed by a perfectly marinated flank steak and seafood fettucini with a homemade sauce good enough to make you shiver. mmmm… shrimp and scallops. scallops are my favorite. afterward there were chocolates and a zombie movie and…
yummay. sigh. wonderful.
I’m premonsteral. I feel like a bloated cow, extra crabby on the side. I’ve nothing to be crabby about, nothing whatsoever, well, nothing that isn’t my own damned fault… stuff I’ve procrastinated over doing, the girls’ incredibly vile disaster of a room. I had to clear a path to put babyjane in bed last night. I know I’ve joked about that before but this was LITERAL. I could NOT get into the room.
come monday I’m going to the hardware store to buy several big rubbermaid bins. I’m going to fill them full of random toys until the room is clean. Then I will stack them in the garage and sit back in my easy chair and grin my evil grin. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
guess where…