can’t sleep.
Month: February 2005
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I wrote this backward, you can probably tell…
Where were you/what would you have been doing:
fifteen years ago today?
six months pregnant, sitting in the cigar store downtown, reading my book, napping in my rocking chair when no one was around… locking the door and running for the bathroom. some of my customers never even knew I was preggers. they thought I was just getting fat. clothes were like that then.
ten years ago today?
I was a single mother in class at university… neurology class, in fact, with calvin and hobbes comics under my seat ready to send to the horror that would become my exhusband. working at the cigar store. best job I ever had. I was pretty happy.
five years ago today?
I was in las vegas having a pathetically rotten time. wooops… had to edit– that would have been three years ago. five years ago the pod was starting an internet relationship with Linda. I was pregnut with babyjane. I was watching babymakena and babygrace. on fridays I served sammies to streetkids at solomon’s porch and was a volunteer guardian ad litem.
one year ago today?
driving kids to school? crying?
yesterday?
made valentines for my rellies. I wrote quotations on them, whatever appealled. I realize in retrospect that dorothy parker epitaths might not be appropriate. that’s me. emma’s first sentence was “that’s not appropriate.” babyjane ripped up the valentines I bought so I had to buy her new ones for her class.
What are you doing:
this year?
had a job, looking for a job. sex for the first time in a REALLY long time. a relationship, I guess. will I ever be secure in knowing where I stand with anyone? maybe that’s why I got married.
today?
patron silver and bugles for dinner! don’t worry the kids are having real food and I’m in a decent mood. I sent out some valentines I made. I hope no one licks them. they have real glitter, you know, GLASS. grocery store, chichi home store.
tomorrow?
working on printing out mailing labels for my twentieth reunion. vacuuming. working on job stuff for myself and a friend. -
Lord Byron
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
