Month: July 2006

  • My grandparents used to sing to me, my great-grandmother, my grandmother (before she went nuts), and Granddad. I don’t remember so much what Gramma Bea (who was oh so cool, SealKitty seriously reminds me of her, I just realized) and Gramma Margaret used to sing, but I remember two things Granddad sang: You’ll Never Know (just how much I love you) and Loch Lomand.

    The Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond–

    By yon bonnie banks, and by yon bonnie braes,
    Where the sun shines bright, on Loch Lomond
    Where me and my true love, were ever wont to gae,
    On the bonnie bonnie banks, of Loch Lomond
    Chorus
    Oh ye’ll tak’ the high road An’ I’ll tak’ the low road
    And I’ll be in scotland afore ye
    For me and my true love will never meet
    Again on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond

    We’ll meet where we parted, in yon shady glen
    On the steep steep side, of Ben Lomond
    Where in purple hue, the hie-lands we view
    And the moon looks out, frae the gloamin’
    Chorus
    Still fair is the scene, but ah! how changed
    Are the hopes that we fondly cherished
    Like a wa-t’ry gleam, like a morning dream
    On Cul-lo-dens field, they ha’e per-rished
    Chorus
    The wild flowers spring, and the wee birds sing
    And in sun-shine the waters, are sleepin’
    But the broken heart, a kens nae second spring
    And re-sign’d we may be, tho’ we’re greetin’
    Chorus

    I sing to my girls at night. They’re creatures of habit and insist on my singing them a specific song three times each. Emma’s is You Are My Sunshine and Jane’s The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Dylan stopped letting me sing to him around age 10 or 11. I used to sing
    Alice Blue Gown
    The Man on the Flying Trapese
    I Was Born Under a Wandrin’ Star
    It Had to be You
    Many a New Day
    Through The Heather on the Hill
    Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart (will you love me ever?)
    Shenendoah
    The Lord Bless You and Keep You
    Abba Dabba Honeymoon
    etc.
    and always Let Me Call You Sweetheart, which I now remember that Gramma Bea sang.

    oh, and Moonlight in Vermont, and a host of other standards.

    I also used to read whatever book he picked and Goodnight Moon. It was just he and I then so I cut myself some slack about what all I don’t do with the girls.

    Maybe I wasn’t loved by everyone I needed as a child, but I was loved. Gramma Bea loved me. Granddad loved me. And I made it. I really made it.

    *music by Ali Reid

  • Say, say, oh playmate
    come out and play with me
    and bring your dollies three
    climb up my apple tree
    slide down my rain barrel
    into my cellar door
    and we’ll be jolly friends
    forevermore

    Say, say, oh playmate
    I cannot play with you
    my dollies have the flu
    the mumps and measles too
    I have no rainbarrel
    I’ve got no cellar door
    but we’ll be jolly friends
    forevermore, more, shut the door

    When someone pushes you away, do you go? I do. But why? Maybe it’s mixed up in rejection fears. I’d like to think it’s a healthy response to passive-aggressive ambivalence. What if someone tells you hurtful things? You can’t know what the motivation is. Are they trying to see how much you can take? Are they trying to push you away so that you reject them without them having to take responsibility, projecting the rejection onto you? Are they a puer aeternus with no intentions whatsoever, mindless of their impact?

    What do you do? I really want to know.

  • Cady: [after seeing Regina in mirror] Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.
    Regina: I’m wearing a spinal halo.
    Cady: Look, I’m really sorry about the bus. I feel like it’s all my fault.
    Regina: Stop making this about you. I’m the one that got hit by the bus.
    Cady: I’m really sorry about all the other stuff too.
    Regina: Okay, I’m going to forgive you because I’m a very Zen person… and I’m on a lot of pain medication right now.
    Cady: [Cady smiles]
    Regina: You know Aaron really does like you. He’s always talking about how unusual you are and it really pissed me off. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn’t want it…
    Cady: You begged your mom to let you keep it?
    Regina: No. I threw it down the stairs.
    [they giggle]
    Regina: I didn’t want anyone else to have it. But that’s just me.
    Mrs. George: Regina! They’re about to announce the queen.
    [sees Cady]
    Mrs. George: Hello.
    Regina: Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?
    Regina: [they giggle]
    Regina: Bye.
    [waves]

  • “THAT’S NOT TRASH– IT’S TREASURE, DYLAN!”

    Dyl: This room is a time capsule ::shakeshishead::

    Dylan and Emma traded jobs this morning. Emma tried her hand at a little (very little, though well-done) weeding and Dylan cleaned the girls’ room. BabyJane, who incidentally wears the pants in this family, usually holds staunchly to the belief that uninterupted, hysterical screaming can get one out of any unpleasantness they encounter… but today, she HELPED. I had to sit down for that one.

    There’s a small patch in the shade of the backyard that is impeccably weeded and the pepto room of doom is nearly clean! We’re going to go see Monster House later to celebrate! Dylan’s treat is that he won’t be forced to go with us. This was the reward he chose for himself.

    Right now Dyl is trying to talk Emma into letting him clean her loft. I think I just had a small stroke.

  • my life is made out of drayma, drayma and magic beans. I suppose that’s an improvement over last week when it was made entirely out of cellophane bags (THIS IS NOT A TOY!).

    there’s a drama unfolding at work that I am only peripheral to. however, it has been suggested that I stay away for a few days since I know where all the bodies are buried. for once I know the answers to all the questions and in this particular circumstance that’s a bad thing. *sigh*

    then there’s the bulletin board drama. *sigh*. I swear it’s not personal and I wasn’t trying to levy any personal attacks. I don’t think what I said was understood in the way I meant to convey it. that’s my fault, I know. it’s all back-board, moderator stuff. maybe I no longer fit in. maybe it’s time to pass that responsibility on to someone more like-minded.

    In other news:

    MARS PROBE FINDS KITTENS

    by Steve Martin

    The New York Times
    July 10, 1997

    The newly arrived probe to Mars has returned irrefutable evidence that the red planet is populated with approximately 27 million 3-month-old kittens.

    Full story here.

    off to watch Harry Potter and breathe into a paper bag…

  • don’t let the sun go down on me…

    I gave the boy the new hair…

  • boring recounting of dream alert:

    Couldn’t make the picture work. If you’d like to see a visual/cartoon representation of what I look like this morning you may click here.

    Well, I eventually got some sleep. No more night terrors (where you wake yourself up from the dream-screaming/crying) just weird dreams.

    I dreamed there was this baby and it was my baby but I hadn’t known I had given birth to it. Someone else had been caring for him/her, but I felt this huge love immediately. The baby was at least 3 months and very, very sick. He/she had terrible infected psoriasis and for some reason I knew he/she was very malnourished. There were two other women in the room and they were trying to help me figure this out. I hadn’t lactated in years but in my dream I knew I needed to breastfeed this baby or he/she would die.*

    One women called a lactation consultant and was waiting for a call back. I knew that some women who have adopted have stimulated lactation by giving the baby the breast before bottle-feeding (even though they’re not getting anything). The problem is, though, that babies suck differently on bottles than is necessary to stimulate milk flow. I was worried. But I tried it, and there was milk! But the milk came too fast… the baby wasn’t able to take it in. This whole time I was so worried I was practically freaking out, but calm on the surface. Eventually the baby got fed and I was so relieved. So after holding the baby for a while I set him/her down to crawl (slightly older now) and worried if he/she was going to make it, while I called the specialist.

    The baby ran away. I was frantic. The other woman came back with him/her, now a small toddler. And I was so sad because I knew the baby didn’t know he/she belonged with me. How was I going to do this? These things take time. What if the baby died? What if he/she ran away?

    Sometimes sleeping is overrated.

    *I don’t have any of those “formula is poison” prejudices… ugly that, I was verbally assaulted by some faux-hippy asshole when bottle-feeding my son out in public once. I had just gone through hell trying to make breastfeeding work and was feeling great shame about not making it. I was so angry, and hurt. People who are militant like that can rot the fuck in hell with Rache’s boot up their ass.

  • ah, insomnia… I remember this

    Maybe it’s the night terrors from last night… tractors falling from the sky, trying to keep everyone safe. Maybe it’s all the swedish fish. Maybe it’s the coffee; I had more than usual this morning. I prefer to think it’s Reagan’s fault.

    Can’t sleep… Cindy Crawford will eat me…

  • “I was going through an evil phase”

    So I acted all assy yesterday and just royally buggered things up.
    Today I am recovering by eating veggie chips, drinking fancy water, and watching skincare infomercials.
    I’m trying not to complicate things by feeling sorry for myself.
    I just bought skin care products from tv.
    I am a Dermalogica Certified Skin Care Specialist.
    I should totally know better.
    Cindy Crawford still looks okay, right?
    I think I had better go back to Star Trek reruns.