September 2, 2006

• the girls at the lake, taken from the patio:

  
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  view from the room:

  I’m sitting right there where I took the pics, only it’s dark. the hotel’s internet is faster than home. I felt like Someone Special when we checked in. He looked at my room assignment and said, “oh MY– do you know how many people would LOVE to have this room??” I suspect it’s the one they hold back in case someone important needs a last minute room. whoever took our rez knew my cousin, and must like her very much. we had dinner in the dining room. I had trout, local syrah, creme brulee, and coffee. the presentation was lovely. the food was okay. I like listening to others’ conversations. shame on me.

  this is a lovely generous gift, yes? it’s not so straighforward. on one hand I appreciate it, on the other it seems obscene when I’m worried about the phone bill. it’s been a long time since I’ve known real privation but I get stressed out. I have a lot of stuff, but it doesn’t pay the light bill. I’m not complaining, mind you, just stressing. and it adds to my sense of never fitting in. I grew up this way too. luxury interspersed with beans and rice. the kids with money looked down on me and the kids without thought I had money, and looked down on me. I don’t know, I know they liked me but I always felt apart.

  the girls and I walked down the town in the night, listening to music from open doorways, petting dogs. we saw two seperate bands I knew. I didn’t say hi. we had a good time, the three of us. I hope their experience, of fitting in, is better than mine. or I hope they’re more at home in it, anyway.

  (listening to a Grieg piano concerto on headphones… gotta go get a jacket. it sure is pretty and calm)

  • 1:38 am
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