and my old face
WHERE’S MY PONY?
they both have pisces pendants, one glyph and one two-fish type.
the smaller one is a mood charm. I haven’t noticed that it changes color much. I’ve had it for a few years.
the one with black beads is the new one. soon I’ll be a forty year-old fish. the previous sentence brings to mind smells that I don’t believe I personify. ew.
closer:
Josh Ritter.
Transcendent.
Dinner by myself at The Pink Door. Show by myself at The Showbox.
I laughed. I smiled so hard. When he played Kathleen I had tears.
Walking the block back to the hotel a homeless man told me I had the most beautiful eyes.
I had a good night.
We are where we should be
doing what we should be doing–
Otherwise we’d be somewhere else
doing something else.
I don’t know who said that but I have it on a tee shirt. I think of it often.
I’m going somewhere tomorrow, and staying in a nice hotel, all on my own. I’m driving over the pass in an official Winter Storm. Oh well. I guess I’ll be where I should be. It’ll keep me from obsessively checking perezhilton dot com.
I got my new “toy” in the mail today… fedex. you gotta love fedex and morning delivery. I had just gotten out of the shower and picked it up off the porch in my bathrobe. good good stuff, for real. I was late for work.
it’s good, really… but now it’s evening and if anything I’m more bone-crushingly lonely than ever. I’m thinking that wasn’t the point when I sent for it. I thought it would help. instead, perhaps it just makes me feel like I’ve given up. sometimes I have; sometimes I haven’t. all’s I know is I just feel SO FUCKING LONELY. my skin is hungry.
I went to a zen meditation last night. I so do not do the organized thing but I need to do SOMEthing. I guess I can take the post-it off my desk front now. It’s been there for months. It worked out pretty well, actually. There were a couple of people I had met before, older women. They were all very kind and I got invited to a potluck. I’m bringing salad I guess. I want to go to a show that night but I s’pose I can duck* out after an hour.
I’ve been pretty fucking depressed. Part of it was premonsteral, I suppose, then it just takes on a life of its own. I had to talk at this thing, a little; it was mostly silence. Still, I didn’t really know what to say: too much or too little? Those really are my options, cos, well, it is me we’re talking about here. I went with both, first one and then the other. I’m not stressed about it. I sat quietly for a freakishly long time. I didn’t belch or fart. I’m ahead of the game.
*”Ducking for apples– change one letter and you have the story of my life.” Dorothy Parker
