sometimes moments of clarity are uplifting; sometimes they’re just clarity.

I just had a flash where I understood beliefs/hope/fantasy are what keep us going and doing what has to be done. in reality you never reach the top of the hill. the cavalry never comes. the man “of your dreams” is only invested enough to do what it takes to make sure you don’t leave. he thinks your ass is nothing special and there might be a better ass around the corner some day.

as I wrote on my pee-chee in high school: life is a sucking, swirling eddy of despair, punctuated by small moments of false hope in an ever-darkening universe. [quote is of unknown origin, mid-80's]

god, I fucking hate it that the default setting is ‘publish to facebook.’ motherfucking fucker. I had a nice time shouting at the computer for several seconds.