October 23, 2005
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I tear my heart open; I sew myself shut
my weakness is that I cared too much
my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feelyesterday I saw a picture on the front page of the paper and had
to read the name in the caption before I realized that it was the guy
who beat me up. the article was about a proposed smoking ban in
public places. the guy is an alcoholic. the article
mentioned that he was on his second beer in the afternoon and that he
had a backpack. I would suspect that after fourteen years he’s
not doing too well. I’m just surprised he’s not dead.honestly, it feels a little weird. there’s no reason he should be
in my town. he never had any connection here when I knew
him. the last I saw of him was me closing my door on him and
telling him I never wanted to see his face again. the second to
last time was the one and only time I’ve ever hit a person. I
punched him in the stomach with every force of my being. he flew
back about four feet, hit his head on the door frame, crushed a large
pottery jug, and passed out. no one has ever come close to
hitting me again.he tried to flush one of my volumes of poetry down the toilet. he
picked me up and threw me into the bathtub dislocating my wrist.
I’ve heard worse stories from other people but it’s one of my
worst. I will never live like that again. not even close.
Comments (25)
damn, that’s seriously intense shit. no wonder you feel weird.
Sounds like a terrible time. Look for solace in where you are now, and where he is…
can i kick his ass?
you’re such a strong person. you didn’t forfeit your power to this man last time, and i hope you won’t this time. his being in town is not your problem. don’t let him weasel his way into your skull.
also, i’ve missed you.
smooches.
Love.
what were you doing reading the paper?
kidding, kidding…I know this is serious and scary..what the hell? I could go to my parents house and get my gun for you if you’d like? It’s only a .22, but it’d do some damage.
wanna see a movie sometime?
by the way, you may see an even scarier sight in the newspaper soon–I think i’ll be in it.
oh NOW what did you do??
don’t anyone worry… I’m not worried. once you kick a bully’s ass you hold all the power. it just weirded me out.
Be strong. I’m glad you punched him hard, I’m glad you hurt him, I’m glad you weren’t a victim. Too many women dissolve into tears and blame themselves and the next time the bastard (or another bastard, or still another one) comes round, they are sure the love of a good woman, meaning themselves, will mean that he will be different this time. Remember how it felt to hit him that hard and pass that strong story on to your kiddies at a time they would need to know.
I hit back too. I got a knocked-out front tooth for my pains. And the police kicked me around a bit too, for reporting it.
Good for you, baby.
god damn! that’s a pretty serious flashback : / at least you sound alright about it…i think we should all be worried why rachel will be in the papers, tho…
I love you.
that would freak me right out….sometimes the past is best left in the past…not seeing it can be the best therapy next to time.
BTW — thanks for the advice…will try anthing to feel better, I don’t make a good patient..
find him…drive him over with your car
Oh yeah..make it look like an accident.
Missed you.
thanks for subing to my new site…it’s weird having an alter-ego.
that’s wierd. my wife would say more than a coincidence, maybe something cosmic for perspective. but what does she know, she’s a counselor?!
just who the hell would want to ban smoking!!!????
Damn right you won’t your a strong woman sista! And are far to loved by too many people to put up with that kind of foolishness!
-M
That’s so rad that you punched him into the wall. I mean, the violence on a whole is awful, but you really kicked his ass.
Just think of him as a moment. You know? Get all new agey with it. You see him in the paper and something, someone is reminding you of that time in your life…but for what??
That, and/or just go on being the brave, honest, cool woman we all know.
Forgets about that piece of shit. Like I have to tell you.
Yeah, you laid down the law on his ass. If he bothers you again I’d suggest having him killed. A profecional should be used, thers no scence in dirtying your hands on such a lower being.
{{Hugs}} That’s wierd indeed and more than a little creepy.
Hang in there sweetie!
hallo happyween!!!
satori! you read something about the decline and fall of the roman empire! how friggin cool! Sheri S. Tepper, i feel like i heard that name before, maybe my professor told me. I read Gibbon last year and got a big huge kick out of him. Maybe I was reading history incorrectly. Have you read Gibbon?
yeah, that’s pretty creepy… but you’ve got the upper hand.