May 23, 2006
-
I ran around today on a bunch of errands. I bought wasp spray, gardening gloves, isopropyl alcohol, nail supplies, clippers, and a new pump for my fountain. I was going to buy a snail for the fish tank but ran out of time. At 5:30 the nice man who tests my backflow assembly for the fire sprinkler system came out.
After the kids went to bed I finished my book. It’s a really good book and it made me cry. I like that in a book.
On Saturday I finished my last day at my new job. I quit on Thursday. She didn’t exactly let me quit and continually tried to manipulate me into changing my mind. That tactic just doesn’t work with me anymore. Nothing would have worked. It was a bad fit. The job made me feel BAD. I apologized for the inconvenience my quitting will cause but refused to back down. I’m taking a week off then starting a new job where I rent a chair and decide my own path. It’s risky and part of what kept me in a place where I felt BAD was the knowlege that I “should” have this job, that it was a good job, an ideal job. But, it’s not an ideal job for me. I want to steer my own boat.
My mother does not understand but I suppose she tries. How can she understand when I am not the protagonist of her story? As a character in a supporting role I can either be a wholesome worker bee steadfastly working toward the good of my family or an inexplicable paradigm of the tragedy of poor choices. But I am neither. When I stop living in her story I become the center of my own where I am an extraordinary person living an extraordinary life.
I’ve lived too many years as a peripheral part of others’ stories hoping for a Major Role and never even getting major billing. It has become clear that I’ve been neglecting my own script and I have moved decisively to correct that.
Comments (20)
Good for you! I think that if we expect others to treat us as important, we have to do the same for ourselves. If we can’t treat ourselves well, who else will?
Something about “the nice man who tests my backflow” sounds very, very dirty. For which I applaud you.
You’re pretty fucking amazing, girlie.
You are such a strong person! I love that.
Ooh, how do you like that book??? It is one of my favorite books I think I’ve ever read.
Good for you!
yikes, that’s some brilliant stuff here, kiddo…i need to take heed, i’ve become a bit player in my own life lately…and it’s pissin’ me off!
This makes me very happy to read.
You can do it!!
Best of Luck in your new job.
well hot damn and good for you. I think you’re aces and I’m happy to hear that you’re giving those that would hold you down the big middle finger. that’s my kinda person.
Watch how successful you are when you do what you love, in the way you decide you need to do it. I just can’t imagine how you’d fail.
Two thumbs up, and I’m adding that book to my “to-read” list.
Lara, this was beautifully written. You need to write more, whether you share it with the rest of us or not.
I need to call you to get the goods on this past job and future job.
Dude, I miss you, a lot.
i wish you lived closer so you could do me & my hair.
you do need to write more, i miss you, love.
and good for you for doing what you want, and what feels right. you deserve only the best.
Good for you Lara. I’ve had many of the bad fit jobs in the past, that I’ve kept out of fear. It hurt how I felt about myself and ultimately my health. It may be “risky” but in the long run, your bravado will serve you well. Plus, anyone with half a brain would come to you in any salon. I think I’ll have to soon as well!
Wow. Fourth paragraph is AWESOME. probably b/c I identify. But the last paragraph is best.
Nice symbolism!
This is so damn insightful.
ryc: Come to MI and paddle dorkily with me sometime.
You have wasps? I thought you lived in a better neighborhood than that.
I just love you.
500,000+ props for you and thunderous applause!
-M
Awesome post! You inspire me to continue work on my own autonomy! That is a really sweet book. It didn’t get me to stop eating meat, but I have since.
You’re brilliant. I think I’m in love. (no … really …)
*applause* from the audience