May 8, 2008
-
rape
I’ve been raped twice. there was a third attempt but I fought him off with the help of his roommate. the two actual rapes would likely be classified as “grey rape” though I don’t see the need to make that distinction. I don’t feel any shame about it as I didn’t do anything wrong. why should I hesitate to talk about something bad that happened to me that wasn’t my fault? I guess it’s a taboo so it’s supposed to be all hush hush. I don’t see the point of that.
in both cases I had female friends who knew about it and still remained “friends” with my rapists. one said, “well, he didn’t do anything to me.” they’re not my friends anymore but it took me a while to make that decision. I guess that’s my only point of shame in the whole thing.
I’m not really afraid of rape anymore, per se: it’s just one of the many bad things that can happen to a person. I’m no more afraid of being raped than I am of being hit by a bus, for example. if it happens, I’ll deal with it.
from pbs.org:
A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed.”I guess enough bad stuff has happened to me that I’m not really afraid of being killed either. to paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt– no one can take your power without your consent.
Comments (19)
your honesty blows me away. thank you.
@ombrastarr -
xoxox
I’ll second what ombra said, my dear.
it saddens me how many women give up their power to men. or other women.
You have an amasing outlook. Good for you!
I don’t blame you about the former girl friends they needed to be kicked to the curb.
About the only thing I can say I actually whole-heartedly agreed with while in the army was the fact that the maximum penalty for rape was death. I’m all for that. Some folks simply need killing.
You are quite correct that there is no shame in speaking openly about what happened to you. And I do mean, to you. As they (psycholigists and the like) say, rape is not about sex but rather about violence and power; about control. I find it a sad testement to our ‘civilized’ culture that we find it easier to shame the victem than to bring our focus on the perpetrator of the crime.
I knew a young woman in the army while I was stationed in Berlin. She went on a date and the guy got too agressive. She came back to the barracks crying. I went and had a talk with him. No charges were ever filed but he did end up in the hospital. I only mention this because rape is about violence and power, this is what the rapist is seeking. So if there is ever a need, you let me know and I’ll have a talk with whomever it is that needs violence and power.
To be read carefully:
1. A Woman, without her man, is nothing.
2. A Woman, without her, man is nothing.
———–
I have had so many people say to me, “Wow, how can you BE so *healthy* with all the shyte that’s happened to you? Aren’t you, uh … disturbed by everything?”
I’m “disturbed” by their personal lack of ability to understand the healing process, and knowing how to develop a strength of character that enables, rather than to disable the psyche. I survived. I’m alive. I’m okay. It’s enough, yeah? So let’s move along folks, ain’t nothin’ to see here.
People like freak shows. I refuse to be a Jerry Springer episode.
Nope, no shame for the person who was raped, absolutely.. just quite difficult for some to discuss because of the brutality of it.
Shame should be involved, for the rapists.
Wow, those girls suck.
I cannot imagine befriending a rapist. I used to have a friend who married one. She thought, like so many others, it wouldnt happen to her or at the very least, while married to her. They divorced 6 years later with him behind bars.
Yeah, some girls, you just can’t tell them a guy is bad news. Dumb as doorknobs.
Having been through a few bad springer episodes myself, I empathize. I also like what BlueCollarGoddess said about healing. It does happen, and the strength that eventually comes is kind of a blessing. I think what’s more painful than the initial hurt is how people react when you’re upfront about things, or in the case of those stupid girls, how it just keeps continuing and nobody takes heed.
You know, I’d apologize for men all over, but too many of them just need to be put down. Oh, there are plenty of women like that too, but not for a reason as serious as when a man fails humanity. I’m sorry though. Being a guy, I can never say I know how you feel about this subject. I can empathize, even if only a little, due to a few things that have happened in my life. I assume it’d be the feelings I had during those times multiplied by a lot. It would be easy to want to curl up and hide from the world I am guessing. I’m glad you didn’t do that, I like you. It’d be a shame if you let the bad things rule your life.
So, hmm, I’ll stop rambling. I’d write “hugs” if I was that secure in my manhood.
that whole ‘what doesn’t kill you…’ cliche comes to mind…been a long time, but <3 to ya nonetheless, kiddo…
@Fleener -
@wintermute -
@Timantec_II -
well guys, Men, part of what helps a person keep perspective about things like this, over a lifetime, is knowing Good Men. it’s so hard not to become reactive and blame men in general and knowing good people like you makes that possible. just by being Good Men you support the destruction of the misogyny and the patriarchy. and that’s what a really blame, the patriarchy, and Reagan (always blame Reagan), and, you know, the crappy selection of doughnuts at the Safeway.
you know what Mr. Krabs says: that which does not kill us… usually succeeds in the second attempt. thankfully not so in this case.
may I quote ” but where are your doughnuts?”
Sorry…this is serious and really a good thing to say and think about and of course, as always you present it oh so well. but I got caught up on the doughnuts and can’t stop laughing.
@Fodon -
I KNOW, right?? sheeeeeeesh.
I so feel for you. I was raped once and a guy attempted to rape me a few years back. He was separated at the time and I told his wife. She never spoke to me again until they divorced. He kept his friends and his social status and me, on this small island, well I got sidelined. Embarrassing to have him and me at parties, I suppose.
{{hugs}} Kick ass!
Good for you! You would not feel shame if someone robbed you. Happy Mother’s Day.
I was raped too. It was most definitely one of the ‘grey area’ things. I didn’t tell anyone except my best friend, and she was so grossed out by the fact she refused to talk about it. I was 15. I don’t think I even told my mom until I was in my mid 20′s.
@Jaymaree -
(((((((Jaymaree))))))) xoxox