March 17, 2009
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nasal retentive
when I was little, maybe four, my mom got a box of pink grapefruit for xmas. it was just the two of us so we were having grapefruit for breakfast exclusively for a bit. I like grapefruit. I’m not sure why but each day I put the seeds in my nose. eventually I filled up both sides and my mother noticed and took me to the doctor to have them removed. they were wedged in so tight and so far up that he had to use forceps.
years and years later when I slept in a little too late and woke to find my son naked but for a diaper and covered head to toe in creamy peanut butter (Jiff, industrial size can) I figured it was my comeupance.
a few years ago at four a.m. I drove my son home from the emergency room after a case of acute alcohol poisoning. he was still wearing the adult diaper they put him in while they were waiting for him to regain consciousness. I figured that was maybe a little karmic return for both of us.
Comments (19)
Abby recently stuck an apple seed up her nose. Thankfully it was just one and I found it and got her to blow it out before it became lodged. I still have no idea how she got the seed since I core and peel them over the sink and all that goes down the disposer.
Love-Snow
Karmic debt… what could be more fair.
I think I remember when you took your son to the hospital. You blogged from the ER if I’m correct.
@siennachartreuse -
I did! I was so stressed I wasn’t even mad yet.
I have often joked that I should change the girl’s name from Andrea to Karma. because damn.
eep…luckily i survived that period of my life without having the adult diaper incident…or the nasal cramming incident…but hey, there’s still time, right?
Way too early to think about peanut butter and diapers! Thank god your son is OK. That sure is karma at work though.
The Cosmic Karmic Credit Department would like to apologize for the alcohol poisoning incident. A couple of service representatives just thought it would be funny, as there was an adult diaper involved. The two employees have been disciplined and new measures have been put into place to avoid such further unfortunate incidents from occurring. We deeply apologize for any inconvenience or stress this may have caused you and would like you to know that we’ve posted a credit to your account.
With regard to the peanut butter incident, yeah, that was all you. And well earned, if we do say so. Seeds up your nose? What were you thinking?
If you should have any questions, comments or suggestions please be assured that we’ll get around to yours… we always do. That’s what we do.
Thank you for your time and attention,
Kathmandu Jones
Director – Karmic Customer Relations
@MuertaVida -
my grandmother’s name was Carma…seriously.
grape nut seeds up your nose?
Weirdo
hahaha…I meant grapefruit..hahaha
I was the one that put grape nut seeds up my nose.
@Fodon -
somehow I can see that.
I am glad your handsome kid is a-ok.
@queenie -
aw, thanks. me too.
@Fodon -
you know it’s odd that I was thinking of grape nuts when I wrote that. I used to love grape nuts at that age, dry, no milk. I was thinking how strange that was for a little kid to actually like grape nuts.
paybacks are a bitch! oh man i am not looking forward to my come uppance….
i’m so glad i don’t have kids.
er… oh fuck, that comment only works for people who actually don’t.
i am very pleased to say that i have never stuck anything up my nose. i did get a cheerio jammed in the throat part of my nose once, when TheStupidDumbButt tickled me while i was eating dry cheerios, and i laughed, and one of them got stuck in some heretofore unknown backroom nasal cavity. thankfully i was able to dislodge it (and a significant amount of mucus) just by snorting really hard and inducing a massive post-nasal drip.
well now. i’m so glad i’ve shared.
@CrapeDiem -
I have this great audio/visual thing in my head of you snorking like a cat with a hairball…
yeah, you pretty much nailed it, bahaaa.