a client/friend I’ve known for a few years told me today that I remind him (as a person) of the mother character in The Royal Tenenbaums.
I can’t say I disagree.

when I was little, maybe four, my mom got a box of pink grapefruit for xmas. it was just the two of us so we were having grapefruit for breakfast exclusively for a bit. I like grapefruit. I’m not sure why but each day I put the seeds in my nose. eventually I filled up both sides and my mother noticed and took me to the doctor to have them removed. they were wedged in so tight and so far up that he had to use forceps.

years and years later when I slept in a little too late and woke to find my son naked but for a diaper and covered head to toe in creamy peanut butter (Jiff, industrial size can) I figured it was my comeupance.

a few years ago at four a.m. I drove my son home from the emergency room after a case of acute alcohol poisoning. he was still wearing the adult diaper they put him in while they were waiting for him to regain consciousness. I figured that was maybe a little karmic return for both of us.

I had an epistemological discussion this morning with Elsa, or perhaps I got up on a soapbox and fanned my undies– I’m not really sure. she’s very patient with me.

I was saying I get bothered when people assume that what is true for them, or that what they perceive to be true, is object truth. I say red and you say blue. maybe one of us has a visual disturbance. we both see what we see. however, I believe there is a non-relative truth. still, there is a relative truth for each of us in this situation. the trick is in not being offensive in asserting what you BELIEVE to be the truth. whatever you believe to be the truth is true for you. it may or may not be the object truth, and it may or may not be my own relative truth.

the tree either fell or it didn’t. the cat is either dead or alive in the box. relative truth matters tho, as it’s how we navigate our stupid little lives through objective reality. if you’re trying to row a boat with someone you do have to find some middle truth or you may end up traveling in solopsistical circles.

I find nothing more helpful than the analogy of the blind men and the elephant (here) but I tend to gravitate more toward the story of the blind elephants and the man: man is FLAT.

images here are Teh Wow.

I must go accomplish something now; I’m feeling kwite the wastrel.

my birthday.
last year I wandered the river park trying to assimilate the news that Diana had leukemia.
this year she’s gone.
so tell me, Baby D, is there life on mars?

dAMMIT Dammit dAMMIT. IBOOK DIED. KIDS Mac hAS a fucked up keyboARD. WORKS FINE if YOU only WANT TO USE CERTain keys or bACKSPace constANTLY.

APParently my house is where electronics go to die. I guess I’ll ring the GADGET kween (the letter thAT STarts thAT WORD doesn’t work at ALL) and see whAT MacwARE SHE Has lying AROUND. SHE’S SERIOUSLY WIRED, THat one. my mother. she’s currently in some sort of odd stANDOFF WITH HER HUB about her kindle. she got one for xmAS Last yeAR and hASN’T BEEN able to find it for SEVERal months now. he ASKED HER WHERE IT Was AND SHE DIDN’T Want to tell him so she just sAID, “around… I’m reADING PaperbACKS COS I LIKE IT.” I think he knows. she thinks he knows. I sAY WHatever works for them is none of my business.

I guess I’ll go reAD MY BOOKGROUP BOOK. it wAS MY selection this time: DAVID SEDARIS’ when you ARE ENGULFED IN FLames. my lAST TWO PICKS Have heAVILY FEatured tALK OF PENISES. MY Last one wAS JOHN IRVING. THEY PLEasANTLY TOLERate me, seem AMUSED BY ME. I’M LIKE an AGING PET OR MENTally deficient relATIVE: as long AS I DON’T WIDDLE ON THE Carpet, we’re good.

four, in fact. I was at 7-11 and the guy asked me if I wanted to buy the ticket that got printed out by mistake. I figured it was analogous to someone offering you a breath mint, so I bought it.

I’m entirely aware of the concept of the Poor and Stupid Tax but I have an addendum to that reasoning: a dollar buys a lot of dreams. occasionally I have bought a lottery ticket because it’s a bit of fun to think about what one could do with a large sum of money. also, it’s an occasional opening if the universe wanted to gift me.

I had a friend put a nickel in a machine in Reno and won 200K. one nickel. when asked how she would have felt if the person after her had won she shrugged and said, “I guess I’d figure it wasn’t my time to win.” I think if it’s your time it’s your time. four dollars is probably about half as much as I’ve spent on lotteries in my lifetime but I thought, “what the hell.”

from Maytime, Nelson Eddy and Jeanette Macdonald: Will You Remember

I heard this song (sung by someone else) about fifteen years ago and it sparked a powerful clench in my heart. I knew I’d heard it before, but I couldn’t tap into the memory. all I know is that each time I hear it I have a reaction more intense than I’ve ever had to a song.