October 22, 2003
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Last night we played chess. It’s been years, and while I used that as an excuse for four consecutive losses, it appears I’ve actually improved. Yes, I still lost, but I knew several moves ahead WHY I was going to lose, possibly even before my oponent did. With such forsight, you’d think I’d win eventually, right? Well, no, and I’ll tell you why: I don’t know how to win. I only know how to lose.
I’m a good defensive player. I lose every single time, but it is HELLA hard to beat me, because I run away SO DAMNED WELL. …but that’s all I know how to do. That’s a fantastic skill when you’re losing. It might give you the time to break away and reform a winning strategy, only I don’t have any winning strategies. I’m not saying I employ some moves and they just don’t work for me. I’m saying I’ve got no plan, nada.
In the middle of one particularly painful game, I was thinking man, I have got to get me to the internet tomorrow and learn some of those plans I’ve always scoffed at. I always scoffed because I thought they were no fun. That’s just the way I’ve always been. I quit basketball in high school when they started making us run “plays”. I only liked playing when anything could happen. It was only fun unscripted. Oh sure, I went on to play in non-competative leagues in college, and it was fun, but I never got any better.
I didn’t realize that to get better, I had to learn the plays, internalize them. I had to take it to another level, where it could be fun again. But I didn’t. I never did learn. I was lazy and immature.
Now, I am reaping what I have sown. I don’t know how to win at anything. Sure, some people just learn through example, and I didn’t have many examples. Is that a valid excuse? maybe. Does an excuse do me any good? not at all.
Chess is such an obvious metaphor for life. I used to think that because I was bright I could make decent decisions, leading to a somewhat successful life…and that’s what I’ve gotten: SOMEWHAT successful. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. If you’re not playing to win, you’re probably going to lose.
I think I had better fucking get out there and get a game plan, as I am probably making some seriously crappy moves, painting myself into a corner.
and as an aside… apparently I make some heinously scary faces when I’m losing. unfortunately, I wasn’t scaring anyone, though it did make them laugh. I suspect there’s another painfull lesson in that one too.
Comments (34)
Geezus girl. I’m playing to lose. I wish someone had brought that to my attention BEFORE NOW! But still, I’m glad you brought it to my attention now.
And I want to see your scary losing face.
oh, so do i. so do i.
so chess is a metaphor for life. fair enough. let us dissect why i don’t play chess: i think it’s dumb becuase every move has already been made. move a pawn. “ah, i see you’ve decided to go with the anal fitzjackass gambit! well, watch as i neatly counter with the floogenstein crane technique.” move another pawn. “hey look! elvis!” board mysteriously overturns, oops.
yeah, you were saying something about being immature?
Great food for thought. I fly by the seat a lot. Not a winning chess player either.
(but I’ll spank anyone at Othello).
And I am also intrigued by these “heinously scary faces”. =:o
You’re one up on me, then, if you’re an able runner-awayer. My 6 y.o. kicks my ass in about 8 moves every time we play chess together. Every. damn. time.
i’m stuck on the image of steve administering spankings now.
yeah, well I see him running around spanking people while in full shakespearian garb!
I always hated the concept of pre-planned moves.
I still do.
I know what you mean, but it’s not working for me…I was going to say “anymore,” but I’m not sure it ever did. I think I need a “plan,” though it pains me to say so.
“bu-tros” recently taught me how to play chess. like you, i seem to do well in the “running away/ defense” department. unfortunately, even when there IS an opportunity for me to checkmate, i can’t seem to do it BEFORE hubby BEATS me… when i DO actually win, he has to ask smugly, “did ya know you could have done that five moves ago?” grrrrrr!!!!!
Hmmm not much of a chess player, my bro used to make me play all the damn time.
know what game is kewl! Battle ship!!!
I just bought the electric battle ship! Love it!
Chess scares me! lol. I’ll play ya at scrabble or risk anyday…lol.
What I’m wondering is how a game of chess between us would work out as I play the same way.
that IS an interesting thought…
Dude, (a) Etron is sooooo totally into chess right now. He & his dad play on the B’s Simpson’s chess set and it’s mucho grande fun for everyone involved, and (b) Bobby Fischer’s Chess Moves – or something like that. I’ll look up the title for you if you want. As you know, Thane is the king-o-literature in this dept, and he swears by it. Yakov also read it and fairly regularly beats everyone’s ass at school using Mr. Fischer’s techniques.
The End.
yeah, I think the fact that computers can remember moves is why they’re so darn good at winning… somehow, I think it takes the fun out of it.
and somehow, playing to win doesn’t seem like all that this world is meant to be. honestly, if we all played to win, how much would we be able to experience? because I believe that above all, life is about experiencing.
(however, like weasel, I would definitely take anyone on in a game of risk or scrabble anyday)
I never played chess until my son decided he wanted to learn to play like Harry Potter…he was 4 at the time. He’s not so clear on the moves, but he can set the chess board up all by himself! (He’s 5 now)…
Hell, I was taught how to start things but never follow through…I’m finally figuring out how to do that on my own, and (DAMN!) is it exhausting!
-M
Hahah, anal fitzjackass gambit . . . hoo, boy, that cracked me up.
I suck at chess. Perhaps that means I suck at life. There’s your metaphor! And it’s all about anticipating moves, so yeah, there’s probably a clue in there somewhere.
And about your Young Repbulicanism . . . I was just LMAO with a former student who is still in high school–an atheist liberal daughter of two college professors who joined the Young Republicans because it was the only politics-related club available!
So true! I played chess for the first time in years last month and remembered why I suck, I gain an early advantage by being smart and defensive, but I totally procrastinate going in for the kill and wind up losing while I burn time waiting for my opponent to win. I am going to go hide under a rock rather than discuss the metaphorical significance…
I was never even able to learn chess LOL
Plans can be oh so GOOD! Seriously. I throw myself through life, around the world, with little direction. I need a plan too.
As someone once said, its not winning that counts, but how you play the game. Which admittedly isn’t a very American – or perhaps even modern – attitude at all. Nonetheless I thinks it true.
some day you need to teach me to play chess
hmm…I don’t want to imply that winning is everything. what I want to impress is that being soundly and demoralizingly defeated EVERY TIME is not good for my mental health.
i got beaten by an 8 year old girl i taught chess to. it kinda sucked.
Yeek. I haven’t played chess in a million years. You could probably kick my ass.
i’m really bad at chess. like sucky bad. which always used to discourge me greatly because everyone tells me how smart I am. but chess makes me feel dumb.
I don’t like feeling dumb, so I never played much.
eh.
I’d rather do Mad Libs.
I don’t even know how to lose at chess. I’ve never learned how to play. People are always surprised to find that out. I guess I seem like a “chess person”.
But the larger metaphor is also valuable. I think I’m also one of those people who doesn’t really know how to win. Well, maybe I do know, but I’m not willing to take the necessary steps. It’s an interesting dilemma. I want to have a successful life, but I don’t want to have to sacrifice too much of my personal integrity to get there.
As for funny faces, apparently I make some really stupid and vacant faces while I’m practicing the guitar…
Take care
-J-
I get you on Chess as Metaphor. I really just enjoy reading your thoughts about what your life means. It makes me happy, I guess–knowing that you are all up in there, figuring this business *out*.
But sadly I have to admit that chess makes me go “zzzzzzz”. I don’t get chess. Or even *checkers*. It’s to much a ”sit real still and think a lot” activity for me.
Also, the picture for this blog freaks me out for some reason. I’d get the jibblies, walking around in front of it.
A housemate of mine, who was quite an excellent chess player adopted the exact opposite strategy. His opinion regarding plans (at least as far as chess was concerned) was that if he had too solid a plan, his opponent would eventually unravel his plan and predict his next moves. It was his strategy not to formulate too far ahead regarding his next move, but play as close to instinctually as the game would allow. I myself have mixed feelings about the effectivenss of this strategy, but the fact remains that he was rarely, if ever, beaten…
The scary faces perhaps are a way of making the opponent loose train of thought….
Well slap my ass and call me Betty! Seems my internet is back.
I have no idea where that first part came from. Missed ya!
I never win at chess, but I like to play. It only takes about 3 minutes to beat me. I do, however, kick ass at checkers.
*Laughs* ~ I used to get drafted (excuse terrible attempt at pun) to play chess for my school every now and again. My brother used to play for his school and if I ever wound up having to go along, inevitably my school would be there and Mrs C. from my school would look at us and her eyes would just light up and she’d swoop down on my Dad, whom she knew from exam moderators’ meetings (Dad teaches at the school my brother went to), and he’d give me to her. Bastard! Remind me to tell you how my brother broke his wrist at chess club sometime. It’s dangerous, damnit! And yet my father would just throw me to the wolves! Gah!
i just discovered that i can opt for a chess background on my yahoo instant messenger!!! would ya like to play sometime? i’m NO THREAT, i swear! hmm… maybe i’d not be ENOUGH of a challenge for ya…???