January 12, 2004
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I’ve got so much I need to blurt (because let’s face it, that’s what I do) that I don’t know where to start… which is pretty much a thread running through everything right now. I think I need to make a paper list and do one thing at a time, so as not to confuse myself.
visitation is weird. on many levels, but here’s the pressing one: the drop off slash pick up.
mr. pissy pants is acting like I am the one who is foisting this apon him. like I’m trying to put one over on him. honestly, without going up a whole ‘nother level of horrid, he couldn’t be any worse about the whole thing.
my grandmother is dying. probably this week, possibly next. SO, it is quite likely I will be unable to drive three hours to bring him the kids next weekend. A. because if she dies, the kids will need to go to the funeral. and B. because if she doesn’t, my mother needs to take her scheduled trip to slc to see my sister in Camille at the Pioneer Theatre, and I will need to be with gramma in case she dies. can I just say DUH? I said, I can come sunday and take them home monday (I’ll stay in a motel)… he says he will probably need to work monday. this is a man who works from home often, and has he never heard of vacation days?
so anyway, I tell him this, and he’s all kinds of woogly. he tells me that I’m trying to put one over on him, that something’s not right here. this is the same crazyass attitude he got when he saw the pizza delivery guy’s footprints in the snow and wanted to know who I was seeing because he didn’t want weirdos around his kids.
see now, he’s making a big mistake. up until the point where he hits the big crazy, I am extremely helpful and accomodating. why? because I want things to go well for my children, and I want them to see us acting like kind and loving adults. when he hits this point, however, I realize, what the fuck? it’s not my job to make things easy for you, you big fucking baby. you wanted a divorce, you got it. you deal with it.
don’t come peddlin’ your crazy around here, mister, we’re full up.
Comments (33)
i’ll just pretend like i understand why it’s your job to cart the kids down for his visitation, and move on to saying i really admire you for taking the high road and wanting to keep it good for the kids. my thoughts will be with you and your gram. smooches, pumpkinbutt.
Bottom line.
Can’t say I’ve heard of too many divorces that haven’t devolved into pissing contests at some point. I don’t think my parents totally agreed on visitation logistics until we were all out and the point was moot. And I’m known for my really encouraging comments, too.
I’m sorry about your grandmother.
cause i might not know ka-ra-te, but i do know ca-ra-zeeeeeee.
pooh on him.
smooch.
I think you driving three hours is TOO much anyway! You can’t keep that up!!
When you’re ready, I’d love to hang with you when you’re here. Eventually, I’ll have a house with a guest room you can have to yourself!
Good Lord… Has he thought about driving off a cliff?
Oh jeez can we just give him some cheese with the whine?
Good for you thinking of the kids.. just do the best you can.. kids can tell the crazy and stupid ones from the smarter.. not coming down to your dumbass level.
I am so sorry about your grandma.. hugs.
he sounds like a real asshole
Sorry to hear about your Grandmother, my regards and sympathy.
Secondly, yes, a big fucking baby “wah” for mister pissy pants. And maude forbid you should actually put one over on him. Coz that shit really counts in the end, yanno? yanno? *sigh* Hang tough satori.
hot damn, can i kick him in the head?
what a douchebag.
i’m so sorry about your grandmother.
hugs & kisses.
I bet I could find someone here to take care of this for you, haha
I MISS YOU!!
lots of love!!
Bleh. Why must all thse entanglements and endings be so damn *hard*? Why is the people we were closest to can change into crazy strangers?
Also, I don’t know the ins and outs of visitation, et al, but this sounds very much like a raw deal for you. I hope you can put something more equitable in place.
sounds loco to me, or just plain selfish. Good luck, and gramma and the kids come first.
i don’t envy you…sorry about grandmother, that’s not fun…and about the ex…not fun either…
i talked with my mom about her divorce from my dad while i was home for christmas…she said i was always trying to get them back together for a while…funny thing was, my dad came over to pick me up (i flew into town and had no car) so that i could visit him with a day or two over christmas…
it was the first time since 1995 that my mom and dad were in the same room together…and it was in the house i grew up in…
a weird moment…
and i have no idea why i just described it right now…
damn that naked bacon frying…
i’m sitting here, scratching my head, wondering what on earth possesses people to think the way this douchebag does.
sorry about your grandmother. i never had any (as in they all died before i was born), but i can definitely say that losing her was almost as bad as waiting, knowing that she was going to die within the next x amount of time.
I don’t know what it is that turns men into psychos when they get divorced–esp when they WANTED the fucking thing and then turn around and try to make it into Your Bad. And when you try to make it okay for the kids and for yourself, you are trying to screw them. It’s big bad craziness.
Sadly, if he is going to be the asshole, it really IS your job to keep it as okay as possible for the kids. It sucks, but it’s true. Someone really does need to be the grownup, and unfortunately, it looks like it is going to be you…
I am SO GLAD you finally got your presents. FP emailed me to let me know.
Much much love to you, baby.
You know Mexican assylams pay good money (well, not good money) if you bring in crazys. An extra $20 under the table to the head nurse can garantee admitance. I’m not saying you should kidnap him, leave him in a Mexican sanaterium then pawn off his stuff, but I actualy am.
ooh, I say send him to the sanitarium too, that would be wicked fun. It sounds like you’re keeping your head pretty good and seeing the crazy is really what’s most important, your response is gonna vary and your patience sometimes will wear thin.
You are wonderful to want to be doing the ‘right thing’ for your childrens sakes… but yeah. Don’t take it when it starts being up there on the crazy chart. I know you will be able to find the balance between being taking his crap and not, which still maintains a sense of peace and security for the children
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An open letter to Lara’s Ex.
Dear Fucktard!
I am writing this letter in the hopes that you spontaneously combust upon its reading. To wit, you dumped on the woman you vowed to love, made life miserable for her, then proceeded to whine about wanting a divorce so that you’d be free to whatever the fuckity fuck fuck it is you do. That being accomplished you now insist on continuing your previous level of dumb-assery in your new role as, “Ex.” I am here to inform you that while your approval rating may never increase your self-obsessed/obtuse factor continues to shoot right through the roof.
If you can’t make the time to accomodate visiting your children while taking into account the lives of those others involved then I say, stay the fuck home and leave them be.
And forget about the Pizza Delivery guy’s footprints in the snow ’round Lara’s place. If she were seeing him at least we know that, A) He knows where she lives and is willing to drive there on a regular basis B) He has a job and offers Lara something that is useful to her and the kids C) Is dependable and shows up when he fucking says he will and D) Is NOT you.
I generally try to stay out of other people’s business when it comes to relationships but you sir, are a grade A Ass…and you’re simply making me reconsider my membership in the brotherhood of man.
Sincerely,
Timothy
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Lara you’ve got my thoughts and best wishes for you, your kids and your grandmother…not your ex though. He get’s something else.
All my heart,
Timothy
I’m sorry about your grandmother, Lara.
As for the rest, I agree with rache. It is mad enough that you have to bring the kids to his royal highness on his visitations, surely you don’t need to do that. I think your attitude is admirable, and you are absolutely right. (Not that it helps..)
You need to get a damn good lawyer, that will at least advise you on your rights and options. He is obviously trying to take advantage.
Oh, for Christ’s sake, this guy is the wiener to end all wieners. You have no idea how much I lived next door to him because believe me when I tell you that I could make his life a living. goddam. hell. And would too, in a heartbeat.
Big slurpy kisses to you, Lara. (Sorry about the garlic breath.)
I wish I lived next door. Shit.
I so agree with Rache.. why exactly do you have to do all the running around?? Gawd, what a bastard, can’t he even be civil when he knows you’re losing a family member?? I’m so sorry about your grandmother
Good on you for taking the high road but should you have any opportunity to, you know, hit him and run, take it, for my sake!
He wants his cake and eat it too. Toughen up with him before you get bitter.
Amen. Mother fucker. Argh. I hope he gets what is coming to him.
1. He has NO legal (or moral) right to question who comes around, weirdo or not. Unless he can show that there is some risk to the kids (i.e., drugs, etc.), there is not a DAMN thing he can do about who comes to your house. [obvious] Control tactic.[/obvious]
2. It is expected (legally) that the driving for visitation is split equally unless both parties agree to a different set up. [obvious] Control tactic.[/obvious]
3. Him telling you you’re pulling a fast one is [obvious] a way to make you doubt yourself and a control tactic. [/obvious]
4. I know it’s a hike, but if you EVER need a place to stay – any time for any reason – you are welcome at my house. It ain’t much, but it’s cheaper than a hotel.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOMolly
Oh, shit on a shingle, what a piece of work, eh? You are to be commended for keeping your cool as much as possible — kids notice that shit and one day they’ll be old enough to disseminate that Mom’s a goddess and dad’s a fucktart. I know it finally happened with my stepsons. They know their mother is a psycho banshee and make no bones about saying so. It’s been like a sigh of relief around here to be able to stop holding our tongues and opinions about her. We never wanted to sway them. Now that they’ve shown what they think, we don’t feel quite so guarded.
Anyhoo, psycho banshee aside, the one thing she did with my dh when she lived like 14 hours away from us was drive the boys to a town halfway, where he would take them and bring them home. Usually after a night in a motel.
At three hours, he should at least be driving halfway. At least. But really, he should be all the way, because you do all the work the rest of the damn week.
HUGGGGS to you… and I am so sorry your Grandma’s not in a good way. Take care.
i’d take care of em but i’m not allowed near children anymore.
I’m sorry to hear about your Grandmother!
Mr. doody head needs to get a clue.
Hugs and love, Lar. I wish there was something I could do for you on so many levels. I’m here if you want to vent and/or cry.
I like seeing the word “Fucktard” applied to this guy. He needs to be kicked in the jimmy.
Sorry about your grandmother, I wish her a peaceful passing. I took care of mine when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I’m very glad it was swift and virtually painless. We had a great support group here and she got to die at home, with her family, in her own bed. She was at peace. I hope someday someone will do the same for me.