April 11, 2004
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Okay… now that I’m calmer, let me ‘splain.
I regret the comment I made about “men.” I really don’t feel that way.
when I am very upset I exaggerate wildly.
It’s not because of “men” that I chose my partner badly.
it wasn’t for a lack of “good ones” that I chose an asshole.
I’ve gotten lots of therapy, and I don’t think I would chose an asshole again.
I guess what I really meant by the wild statement, was that I’m so incredibly hurt and shocked, that I’m not interested in any kind of romantic relationship for a long time.
and then the other…
I don’t like to go to church, but it’s important to my mother (xmas and easter). we (sort of) buried her mother yesterday and I thought it important not to bag out on her. I guess I was just really irritated that I didn’t feel free to say no, when I was REALLY really upset and not up to it. I guess it’s not jesus’ fault my mom made me go to his house.
one dark night there were six robbers sitting around a campfire and the first robber said, ‘boys tell us a story’ and this is how the story went… one dark night there were six robbers sitting around a campfire and the first robber said…
so anyway, this is how it went…
I dressed the girls to the nines, hats gloves chiffon, put on makeup, forced the boy to put on a shirt with a collar, and away we went. I cried all the way there (thinking about ‘that whore’). we got there, got seated, then I just started to bawl, and it was TOO embarrassing, so I excused myself and walked around the neighborhood bawling. nice one (rolls eyes)… I made it back in time for the boring yet exquisitely misogynistic sermon, which made me so angry I refused to stand for the gospels and junk. I was just TWEAKED. I refused to do the whole “peace be with you” thing. I didn’t even look up when the woman behind me put her hand on my shoulder and said something. my mother hissed “pass the piece of the lord!’ and I hissed back ‘there’s no peace or love in my heart!” I then refused to go up for communion or look at anyone. honestly, I was afraid I’d do the ugly cry again. I really was. I’m sure my mother was thoroughly embarrassed. I should be. I acted like a baby, but I just couldn’t help it. what the hell, though, my mother answered her CELL phone in CHURCH, no less. I thought that was over the top.
I guess we don’t have to wonder what the lutherans are talking about over sunday dinner tonight…
next time I hope I have the good sense to stay home.
Comments (28)
I
you for your anger and hurt.
and i’m an atheist, so jesus was just another prophet on the make. Think millenarian movement (sp?)…
Oh you dear dear sweetheart. It’s okay. I know how to be two or three or five minds about some things too.
Hugs,
M.
i am extremely choosy about whom i will attend “church” with…. i hate most people anyway, so that makes it even harder….
Aw shit, sometimes a woman’s just gotta vent. I certainly ain’t gonna hold it against you. Unless you ask nicely, of course.
Lara, I love you. And there’s nothing shameful nor embarrassing about you to me. And really now, life is funny enough in that Woody Allen/Pablo Picasso-esque manner that we needn’t worry ourselves none too much ’bout what the Lutherans are talking about over dinner.
You. Are. Beautiful. And. Strong.
And have I mentioned that I love you? I have? Good, ’cause its true.
Timothy
well everyone answers their cellphones in churches nowadays.
i mean life without a cellphone… :O
We all have our moments love. Its good to vent once in a while, no matter how exaggerated. Dont be so hard on yourself.
Loves to you
:heartbeat:
shake it off m’dear… bad days suck and they happen and the people who don’t understand the “why” will get over it.
The Lutherans were probably bored….you should feel proud of yourself for giving them something to talk about *smooch*
Aw, sweetie, I’m sorry. I know how it goes to be crying in public. I’ve walked, sobbing, through Target twice, and I don’t know HOW many times I’ve bawled my way through grocery shopping. At least in Church people might think you were just moved by the spirit. OK, so you’re talking about Lutherans, not pentecostalists, but still. I have to ask though – did your mom REALLY ask you to pass the PIECE of the lord??
Now, on to more somber topics: the whore. Here’s my thinking and feel free to ignore it. Don’t get down on HER — I know she’s an easy target, BUTBUTBUT does she REALLY know the situation? Do you think she’s got all the info? Is he telling her the truth? If not, she’s not a co-conspirator, KWIM? It’s not about “Oh she’s an innocent party” or anything, it’s about the idea that vitriol directed at her deflects from the fact that HE’S the responsible party. Save that shit for HIM and HIM alone. Ugh. Not really making sense.
Anyway, I love you, baby.
Yeah ~ I loved that “Pass the PIECE of the Lord too”. Like he was all chopped up on a plate or something…
You tried, and that’s more than a lot of people would have done…
but im really a virgin at heart :O
Oh dear, I so am gonna use “Please pass the piece of Lord” in my next rude conversation about religion. I’m gonna say it in that stupid jelly commercial voice too, the Pollander all fruit one where the hick guy says “Woudja please pass the jellay” and the woman faints. That is a comedy goldmine.
As for the other stuff, my personal opinion is that it’s your world, you can cry any damn time you need to. Anyone with issues over it should be so lucky they have nothing wrong with their own lives so they can talk about others.
you could have walked right over here, sugar booger. i’m sorry it was so horrid. really.
It’s keeping it all in that’s bad for you. It had to come out, no matter where, no matter when. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry — AAMOF, if you weren’t I’d wonder what was wrong with you. I love you bunches.
That’s what I do, stay home. Even when mom asks nicely. Sometimes we have hard times and we’re vulnerable. Don’t feel embarassed. You can’t help the way you feel, and besides, you don’t go to church anyway, so you don’t have to keep facing those people. Feel better, Lara. *hugs*
funerals and weddings, the only time my ass sees a church. I did go to a synagogue for a bar mitzvah, I suppose that counts, too.
nothing like a service to remind me why I’m not catholic.
Next time you come to Disneyland with me okay? Tell your mother you’ll be really busy trying to “convert” a heathen friend or something and the only place I’d meet you is an amusemant park…how’s that? Any Christian worth their salt won’t argue about another jewel in the crown.
And about that chick “Alison”…every “Alison” I’ve ever known I’ve had a problem with. And painting the nails is out of line without your permission.
((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you girlfriend. It sucks to cry in public, but you could’ve said “I just saw ‘The Passion’, and I’m overcome with grief and anger toward the Jews. Yadda yadda.”
Better day today!
-M
Maybe you should hate all men. Make the next one make up for the rest of them. That’ll be some good honest work.
Never been able to understand a god that says well here we have my only son and I will let him be tortured and killed and that will mean that I forgive everyone for their sins. Can’t see the connection. But then I’m a Miss Stupid and b) think Mel Gibson is laughing all the way to the bank and back.
I’m thinking holidays are not good times for you these days. When you see them coming it might be a good idea to hide out at my house till it’s over.
ruthless: “don’t get down on her…”
yes, I will, and I’ll tel you why. if she doesn’t know better than to get involved with a married man than she’s a whore. that’s my opinion and you don’t have to like it.
may I just add: a married man who left his wife with three children and doesn’t pay child support… she doesn’t know? I don’t give a fuck. she’s still a whore. if anyone doesn’t like my opinion they don’t have to share it, but this is MY page. my page, my opinion.
HUGS to you. i am so sorry you have to deal with all this shit.
you say whatever you want, it IS your page, your vent.
(((((((((L)))))))))
I love you, honey. I am so sorry.
I managed to stay out of Lutheran church this Easter. my dad did ask me though, if we’d gone to church (J’s family).
I’m not bagging on your opinion, sweetie. Not at all – it was more in the way of wondering whether she KNOWS he’s married and left and isn’t paying child support. I can just see him telling her a pack of lies is all. Why WOULDN’T she believe him if he told her something different?
ANyway, sorry to upset you. I’ll just keep my thoughts to myself from now on.
You don’t need to explain or apologize for your previous blog. You are angry, and it’s your blog! Write whatever you want. It’s an outlet for all the shit you’re feeling. Use it! Vent! Spit vitriol through cyberspace. We understand.