May 18, 2004
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I’m truly fucking overwhelmed.
let me give this disclaimer: I know how truly lucky I am to have the luxury of whining about my “marble floors.”
Tomorrow the movers come. I need to be packing right now and I just can’t seem to go full force. I’m taking this time out to vent so that maybe I’ll be able to put my nose to the grindstone without all this crap in my head.
Last week I couldn’t pack because I was catching up from being in San Diego. As much as I wanted to go, it was also a have-to, as my sister needed me to show some interest in her (she didn’t say, I just know). So I have this contract job, grading papers… I had to make up that time when I got back. I’m just TODAY caught up. I had my dad here over the weekend helping me build a loft in the girls’ bedroom so that their things will actually FIT in it. I didn’t get time to paint it (because of paper grading). My dad couldn’t stay to help pack because he needed to get back to his own busy life. My mother was in San Diego this weekend.
My mother is graciously paying to have my furniture moved. I really appreciate that. She would like me to move the small things and boxes myself. First, I’ve got nothing packed. Second, when I do (and that’s bad enough, when will I do it?) I have to move it all in my minivan. Now mind you, I have my own three kids, AND a friend’s kindergaartner. Fuck. Me. And gas is 2.25 a gallon.
I’ve been up till 1am every night grading. I get up at 6:30 and start dealing with feeding/clothing/taking kids-to-school, picking up and dropping off my work, being somewhere for something, picking up another child, feeding……..picking up children at 45 minutes intervals where you can’t fit other things in between.
My mother assumes someone is going to help me. I think everyone assumes that. Who? My friends have their own things they have to do, and frankly… if they did help, I’m so tired and ineffectual that I wouldn’t have a clue how to tell them what to do! I don’t even know where to start myself.
In addition to all MY things are my grandmother’s. There will still be a household full of stuff with mine out. I think my mother wants me to take it with me. ?? Also, the woman buying this place wants to move in right away. How do I get all my gramma’s crap out AND clean? I have to leave for Seattle Friday. I am so fucked.
And I’m just so fucking tired and sad! Honestly, this is part of why I stayed in a marriage with an asshole. It wasn’t about “oh I couldn’t afford to leave” or whathaveyou. Aside from the obvious, you know, committment and love, there’s the knowlege that life is just really fucking hard and sometimes even a little help is enough to get you through.
Honestly, I’m not looking for pity. I’ll get through this, of course I will. There’s nothing anyone can do to help me. It’s just hard. I guess I just needed to cry about it so I can get on with it.
Off to cart kids that don’t want to go, to go get my son.
Comments (28)
That is sooooo hard. Moving is hard enough, with a partner, but you must be fully overwhelmed. I’m so good at packing, but cannot help… I’m sending you some virtual-packing-energy. Good luck over the next week or so…
Happy Thought For Satori: Dick’s Burgers and Fries!!! You better get some while in Seattle!!
I hear ya.
big hugs
I can’t wait to see you and hug you so hard you’ll be behind me. *smooch*
You have an extra kid as well as your own, during a move??? How the hell did that happen??
I hope you find someone who’ll at least take some of the kids for you ~ if not, bribe them into servitude. If you have to feed them, at least you should be able to get some manual labour out of them, right?
Awww sweetie, I’m sending hugs your way. If I were there I’d help you move
aah dealing with unwilling (ungrateful?) children, that’s a hard one. and everything else going on, I’m not surprised you’re feeling so freaked out!!!
if I was closer and not pregnant, I’d help! (whew)
Two is easier than one and that is a temptation. My house is half falling apart from lack of the maintenance I can neither do nor afford.
I wish I could help you, I really do.
Another who wishes she could help you, me. As I obviously can’t, being thousands of miles away, I’ll just pour a second glass of wine, for you, and drink it myself. Because then when I get snockered on cheap plonk and catch my toe on the edge of the carpet and go hurtling through space and knock my two front teeth out on the corner of the dining-room table and live the rest of my life looking like a strangly superannuated and buxom refugee from the NHL, you can laugh and laugh.
Best I can do under the circs, I’m afraid.
i second what primeva said, but i wouldn’t ever be considered “buxom”…sorry, guess i’m a second rate refugee at best :/
Love you Satori. Want me to drive up and help you move? I cant fit much in my corolla but where there’s a will there’s a way. Hang in there sweetie.
Sealkitty is lying…she so wouldn’t help you, even if she weren’t knocked up. But I would. I bet Kim won’t even tell us when she has the baby, she’s gonna use that whole “ooh i’m knocked up, i can’t do that” excuse for as long as possible…mark my words, two years from now….
Venting is good. Glad you did. If I was there, I’d help. You’d be suprised at what fits in my tiny ass car! At the very least, some drinks and entertainment while you pack/unpack.
First, whine about the “marble floors” all you want.
Just cause others may have it worse in some ways, doesn’t mean you have to suck it up AND swallow it. Relativism is all well and good, but I am living proof that it can also be poisonous in quantity.
Second, I SO understand about staying for the little extra help. I really really do.
Third, can you get together when you’re in town? I’d love to buy you a drinkie-poo. Or at least just hang out…ring/email me!!!
well for my part thanks for tossing your weekend to come here. If you do decide that you could use an extra body just let me know. Honestly I can come and help you pack.
that sounds like shit load of stuff to do.. hope it works our and help comes out of somewhere.
love – b.
I’m over here, sending you as much energy and light as I can muster. Moving is a bitch. I can’t imagine doing it with kids, on top of everything else…
But instead I’ll send you my positive thoughts, prayers and hope that you catch a break!
I hate moving. I wish I could help you pack — I hate packing, but for you I’d do it. I’m so sorry this is so sucky, but it will get better, it will. Sending you all my love. -Beli
These trials . . . sometimes they’re so prolonged. And god knows I can’t stand anything short of immediate resolution to shit. I’m terrible when it comes to feeling like my entire life hangs in the balance while I wait for a storm to pass. Shit, then I guess I’d be the wrong guy to offer words of encouragement, then, huh? Hah. No, don’t mind me. I’m just feeling in many ways the same way you are. Hang in there, butt pie.
How about instead of pity…a big hug… Let it all out, we all need to get rid of the extra weight every now and then….Thinking good thoughts for you..
Damn I wish I were closer in proximity so that I could extend a hand…and heart. If you said the word, I would step on it and get over there. Know that the offer stands. In the meantime, a spirit-hug will have to suffice. Please cut yourself some slack.
500,000,000 props for your bravery. Hugs girlfriend, it will all get done.
-M
I’ve got to remember to check the protected posts more often. I wish I was closer. I’d bring my crew by and move the whole thing while you put your feet up.
if you dont want to have any interest in your sister, iwill
*Hug* girlie
FWIW, I would help you out in a heartbeat.