September 4, 2004
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invited my mom to go to the gym this morning
in a really good mindset
I was on the treadmill for a half hour before she got there
and for the next fifteen minutes
she managed to tell me
how she’s carrying me
how I’ve always let her down
when does it get to be about her pain
that if she didn’t ride me I’d amount to nothing
and that she’d be fine
with leaving me to my own stated goals
if I was an adequate mother
but since I’m not
I don’t deserve…
whatever
I made it to 45 minutes
it’s so hard not to kill your heart
in response to overwhelming pain
Comments (24)
why is it so easy to make me feel inadequate?
don’t answer that.
took a drive up the hill. did the ugly cry. off to shower.
psychiatrists and self-help gurus always say that what we don’t like and often criticize in others is a reflection of what we don’t like in ourselves.
you.
Your mom is just projecting onto you what she sees are her own shortcomings in the motherhood department.
I know you and I know you are a good mom, don’t let her get to you. I
I think d_n_w has summed it up pretty well, because no healthy-minded, loving parent would pull that kind of emotional abuse on their child, no matter how old they are
your mom sucks. i know that’s harsh, but that’s a really shitty thing to say to your child. love to you.
you’re the best mom in the whole world. I believe it.
your mom? she needs to get together with my mom and uh, I don’t know, club some baby seals or something.
Instead of taking it out on us.
my mom? she’s unhappy, jealous, restenful and there’s nothing I can do about it. except NOT be that way.
loooove you
God. There are few things worse than The Toxic Mother.
I wish there were something I could tappity-tap-type here to ease your sorrow, but I don’t know what that would be. Except that having read you on the ‘Net now for a long time, I feel entirely confident in saying that I think your mother can’t possibly know you very well to say such things.
Be well, my dear.
Came back to give you s’more hugs. I really wish that I could share my Mum (even more than I already do). Seriously. If everyone in the world had parents like mine, there’d be no more wars.
I’m speechless.
yep. today sucks.
AMEN to DNW.
And when you hear her voice saying that shit, t hink of the expert voice who said this: “you’re the best mom in the WORLD!” Believe that voice. Not hers.
I’m basically dittoing what everyone before me said, and asking that we trade you for my SiL, maybe your mother’s “speeches” could actually do her some good, meanwhile we could go shopping and answer DB Plumbing calls in our PJ’s while eating sushi or something fun like that!
-M
I’m so sorry. I had a hard time training my parents not to do shit like that, and they still slip sometimes.
I always start my training with: you’re the parent which means primarily I don’t support you, you support me.
My mother praised me today because some big and important had said nice things not because of my achievement. Why do parents have endless power to hurt when its past their sell-by date.
the mother seems to want whatever is best for me, regardless of the methods she uses to pursue that end. over this weekend i screamed that i hated her across the dinner table and later cried. sweet jesus, i’m almost twenty years old and she made me cry. but over this weekend i also learned that this is it. this is all we have and it’s our choice to either make the best of it or just let it float on by. so while i was sad, i was happy, that something was still letting me know i am alive
Im so sorry. I wish I had some comforting words. One of your children recently said you were a good mom, go with that.
Sadly we cannot change others… Luckily we dont have to be like them.
I’m not speechless, neither will I try and allay the fears of self-doubt and the pain this caused…
Instead, I’m reminding you that you’re Lara. You are a wonderful mother (who’d never say such things, even years from now). And I love you.
If you’d like, let mom rest and I’ll carry you for a while. People might stare at us kinda funny but then, it’d just be due to the fact that they could peek up your skirt and I had the biggest goofy grin on my face. (yeah, I was thinking piggieback carry…) *grin*
I love you Lara girl… don’t let it bother you, this life, frailty human thing…
Timothy
Gladpanther left a card on my door the other night, which, among other things had the following quote on it:
The challenge is to be yourself in a world that wants to make you like everyone else.”
I’ve decided to take this as my own personal caption/aphorism/mots de vie. I am more than willing to share it. I BIGPUFFYHEART you, Lara.
Illegitimae non carborundum est, girlfriend.
I love you dearly. And remember you so cannot control your moms projections. love love love love love you
stoopid treadmill. better off if you were non-stationary running.
) sending smiles your way…
can i call?
Feeling it all the way over here.
{hug}