April 18, 2005
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[Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute.]
Fantine:
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he’ll come to me
That we’ll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So much different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
Incommunicado
months and months ago VM told me I should place a personal ad stating who I am, not what I wanted. she said I should say, “very needy, cries a lot.” it should probably have also said, “doesn’t listen to good advice; learns everything the hard way.”
I don’t know how to ask for what I need.
I know that you can’t get what you don’t ask for.
it’s still hard.
I need to be needed.
I need to know I am valued.
it seems like there’s never a good time to ask.
…and someone might say no.
I guess that’s not a very good reason.
the pod said to me
when it ended
that “it’s just too hard to love you.”
I guess it is.
I used to just be needy and cry
now I’m too needy, I cry
AND I throw up.
I don’t see where that’s a huge improvement.
smirk… sniff… sob…
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Comments (28)
Yes, I would love to.
okay, I feel a lot better now that I realize I do this every month before I ovulate. crap. okay, I mean I do this every month a week before I ovulate when there’s no sex. too much information? well FUCK, I don’t want to know that either. suck it up.
and interestingly enough (or not) I used to think people were saying “suck a duck.” makes about as much sense.
hey, wait a minute. I didn’t call you “very needy and cries a lot”. I said, you should present yourself as is, rather than as a facade and see whothe takers were. I said something like, “if you’re needy and cry a lot, then say so,” where my point was, that whatever you are, it’s okay. And there is someone out there looking for someone just like you – who you are AUTHENICALLY!
you’re right… but I am “needy and cries a lot”!
yeah, me too. that’s why we’re gonna get hitched.
You should make your own doll and name her “needy and cries a lot”. You would probably sell a million. It’s nice to see you again. : )
um, yeah, i wouldn’t buy that doll. i already have evie. i’ll bet you’re easier to love than she is.
you are, right?
but no really, whatever “difficulties” you present, we all have them. and we all deserve to be in good relationships whose focus is not why you’re so hard to be near, but why it’s so hard to stay away. and you’ll find that, because you’re also intelligent and funny and beautiful and a caring mother and a real handful in bed (i mean, that’s what it says on the truckstop wall, and everything else i read there has turned out to be true, so.)
one day at a time, mama. and one of these days love will hit you like a brick wall. (hopefully without as much facial trauma, though.)
smooches.
I’m there with ya!
Needy, whines ALOT and when comforted, punches out comforter…
{{{{hugs}}}}
awe…i’m not there with you, because of my crotch gear and all, but i’m with you in spirit…um..sorta kinda…i mean…well…ok, i’ll stop…
hope ya bounce soon ;D
Look here at this list of people commenting. We don’t find you hard to love! I know it’s not quite what you mean, but still!
I’ve been wondering where you were, and I’m glad to see you again.
Turn the page.
Who the fuck isn’t needy, and what’s wrong with crying a lot? ROFL!
My task these days is to do exactly what VM advises. Presenting myself “as is”. Because, dammit there is SOMEONE out there who can absorb my essence and love/honor every last tearful/angry/silly/psycho/amazing bit of it!
add ‘comes with self cleaning batleth! also requires bird of prey with functional cloaking device for transport although not high maintenance.’
Can I be needy and cry with you too? We’ll end up laughing and drunk on the floor. Then I can take advantage of you and you’ll have had sex too!
XOX
(((((HUGS!)))))
But you are also a lot more than those two things, and inside you know it. It’s so easy for us to accept the unpleasant or negative things about ourselves rather than the good, positive things. You’re also smart as a whip, honest, have a great sense of humor, a very caring person, a woman who loves her children and makes sure their needs are met. Not knowing you personally, I can’t list everything, but this is the You that I know. When you’re ready, these things will ring much clearer than the negative, and you will find a new dream.
Love you lots and lots!
-M
sounds pretty much normal to me! and whats wrong with all that? ok the puking, i see how that can get old.
know what? I miss yous guys.
jeebus woman, where the hell have you been?? crying and throwing up I guess. come back, we need you. I need you. I miss you — when’s a good time to call?
Luv! Love! Lurve! Wuv! Come back – we miss you!
hehehe…I’d say I miss you, but unlike these yahoos, I get to actually SEE YOU!
In fact, we have a date tonight.
Your very loveable
Feed the hormones their montly does of chocolate. I like Rache’s comment.
Expressing your needs is especially hard if you have been conditioned to anticipate and respond to the needs of others without their needing to express a damn thing. The solution is to quit soaking up responsibility for other people first, so you have the time and the space to actually listen to your own needs. I can’t aford to drink tequila with you right now but I hope you’ll take a raincheck.
im pretty sure i want you.
I’ll be right over…
you promise!?